My dear Beryl .... I can only imagine your pain and so wish I could be there to keep you company and give you a hug. I'm so glad you came to the site to say how you are feeling. I'm sure you miss dear David every day but this time of the year missing our loved ones seems especially hard.  The only way I can relate to how you feel is when I look into the not too distant future and know I will have to leave my lovely Hubbie and family. It's overwhelming and I empathize with you so very much dear Beryl. This disease is so very cruel and hurts so much!  You had a wonderful relationship with David and that is something to be grateful for but how the pain of losing him can be eased, I just don't know. People say time heals so we can only hope and trust that they are right and at some point in the future you will be able to think of the joy David brought to your life with a smile instead of tears. Your friends are always here and I'm sure David knew what a lucky guy he was to have shared his life with such a wonderful person as you.  Much love. Max x

My dear Beryl .... I can only imagine your pain and so wish I could be there to keep you company and give you a hug. I'm so glad you came to the site to say how you are feeling. I'm sure you miss dear David every day but this time of the year missing our loved ones seems especially hard.  The only way I can relate to how you feel is when I look into the not too distant future and know I will have to leave my lovely Hubbie and family. It's overwhelming and I empathize with you so very much dear Beryl. This disease is so very cruel and hurts so much!  You had a wonderful relationship with David and that is something to be grateful for but how the pain of losing him can be eased, I just don't know. People say time heals so we can only hope and trust that they are right and at some point in the future you will be able to think of the joy David brought to your life with a smile instead of tears. Your friends are always here and I'm sure David knew what a lucky guy he was to have shared his life with such a wonderful person as you.  Much love. Max x

My lovely Max

How lovely to hear from you I do hope you are feeling much better and I do hope you enjoy Christmas with your lovely hubby and family, you deserve it, you are such a brave lady, you make me feel so humble.  This cancer is a very cruel disease you are quite right it takes away your Loved ones and leaves those behind in intolerable pain.  However one day in the not too distant future I am sure a cure for this horrible disease will come about.

My David was such a lovely happy man and my wish for Christmas is that he is looking down on me and my family and I hope he is inheaven.

Have a lovely Christmas Max and I send you my love always

Beryl xxx

I'm sure he is Beryl, and one day you will be together again. That's the thought I always keep hold of when I'm scared of what the future holds. He is there keeping you safe Beryl and always will be x

I hear the pain in all of your posts, Beryl, Max, Hope, and grief is such a strong emotion that tears at the very heart, and it is a feeling that never really goes away when we've lost a love one. Its' like a roller coaster, the way it comes in waves and ebbs, but never leaving completely. Probably most of us on this forum have experienced the loss of loved ones at some point in our lives, but not all necessarily due to cancer. My parents and my brother are gone, having lost my Dad and brother to cancer. I also lost my son to suicide, which was the most horrible loss I've ever had. Its' ten years since he died and the pain for me is as deep as it was the day I got the news. We learn to cope which I believe is sometimes the best we can do in order to manage the grief. After I recovered from the intial shock of his death, I have since been involved in Suicide Prevention and doing public speaking as a way to educate people on how to respond to suicide issues and after suicide grief for loved ones who are left to deal with that very complicated grief. By doing this on a volunteer basis, I am helping myself as I help others to get through this, because getting through it is all we can do, there is no "getting over it". We don't get over the loss of a loved one; we only learn to manage our lives without them in it and that is always a "work in progress".

Christmas is a very difficult time of year when we are trying to deal with the loss of a loved one. There is so much hype around it that it seems like we should be all happy and joyful too, but our hearts are heavy with grief. We put on a brave face so as not to spoil the mood for our other loved ones, but that is very taxing on our emotional strength. We wear down after awhile and just wish for a quiet place to be alone so we can give in to our emotion and I think we should allow ourselves to do that once in awhile over the holidays. It helps to build up our strength to go on and reduces the stress on us of trying to hold up. I guess the best message I can give to all of you is to try and be as kind to yourselves as you are to others who are having a difficult time during this Christmas season. Give yourselves a big hug from me and I'm sure, from all of your other virtual friends on this forum. Take pleasure and peace where you can find it and embrace the loved ones you still have in your life.

As always  xxxxx  Hugs

Lorraine       

Hi Lorraine,  Your grief must be the most overwhelming there ever is to experience.The pain of the loss of a child to suicide is something I cannot imagine; and you too have had to experience losing your parents and brother.  I think your involvement with the Suicide Prevention is amazing and I am sure this helps so many as well as also being some therapy for you. Everything you have said is true, we don't get over our losses we have to adjust to them and it is indeed always work in progress.  When the pain hits it is just as bad as when it first happened and I wonder if that pain will become less or just the times that we feel it become less?  However we just have to go through it, if we felt no pain we would have felt no love and that would be worse.  I hope that all of us on here can find the strength that you have, thank you for your support and I hope you have a peaceful Christmas.  Hope xx

Hi Beryl,  I am sure David is watching over you, and of course he lives on in your children whom I hope give you some joy over Christmas and always.  Hope xx

Hi Hope, thank you for your kind words. You are so right in that to feel love, perhaps feeling the pain of loss is a pre-requisite. I'm not so sure about that one, but I know all of us on this forum have experienced the pain of loss of some kind, so maybe its' a moot point here. I believe we certainly make our best effort to keep a stiff upper lip at times like Christmas and other such occasions, so we don't ruin the festivities for others. We just have to make sure to find time to care for ourselves at some point over the holidays.

I want to wish everyone a peaceful Christmas season and hope for the New Year.

Lorraine  xxxx