struggling to cope after my husbands death

Hi i am new here and this is the first time i have posted anything. My Husband John died on 12th of July after being diagnosed in May this year with oesophageal cancer. I just feel lost and dont seem to be able to move on. He has always been a well man and even when diagnosed they said he was stage 4 and inoperable because it had gone into his liver. He had no symptoms at all apart from a small annoying but not painful feeling in his stomach. He asked if he could take his family on holiday before starting chemo, the consultant said that nothing major would happen in the next couple of weeks. we went ahead and booked a huge family holiday in spain. 4 days after arriving i found him collapsed on the kitchen floor. we rushed him to hospital where they said he was suffering from severe pancreatitusand kept him in for 2 weeks. we flew him home and he stayed at home for a week but was still very sick. he was taken into hospital again on the sunday and after a scan on the wednesday we were told that he didnt have a healthy piece of liver left and were told that he would only surrive another few days. he passes away 4 days later. i just dont know what to do i am all on my own and cannot stop crying, the tears are streaming down my face just writing this. i need help.

  • Hello I lost my partner danniella on the 22 march 2018 we were together for 18 years she was 39 I lost her to cervical cancer stage 4 I am lost without her all I seem to do is cry all the time and stand by her grave side and stair and talk to her I am 44 and a widow I have my family around me I no they mean well but it's not her but people say time is a great healer I hope so people say you will get over it how do you get over someone you love so much I keep thinking she will walk through the door but I no she won't people say you will meet someone else but I don't ever think it will be the same I could never love any one the way I love my danniella I am heart broken at the thought of living my life without her I miss her every day and I always will cancer is cruel

  • I lost my husband to bowel cancer on 10 March 2018. We had been married 43 years and been together since we were seventeen. We have four children who have been very good but have to move on with their own lives. They do not understand what to say to me and I know they worry. I am totally devastated. I just want to curl up and die. I find it very hard to carry on alone. I can't see much point in anything anymore. I don't know if this ever gets better. My soulmate has left me and I am even angry with him for going. People tell me it will get easier every day. So far that is untrue. I am so lonely without him. 

  • Dear Everyone...

    It is going to be 6 months tomorrow since i lost my baby. And as Penny13, I am still angry. Everytime I see something I talk to the air hoping he is listening...

    People say  "it gets easier..." in some way I see what they are saying but in others, I miss him so much and wish he could be with me.

    I found this article on the web... that you probably can relate and help. Here is a quote from it. 

    “And since these days and times and triggers aren’t obvious to most people in our lives (and since we don’t have the time or the words to describe them all), they are usually unaware of just how much and just how often we mourn. Even those who are closest to us and care for us greatly remain largely oblivious to our recurring sadness. Our grief can feel like a very lonely journey, which in many ways it is because it is specific to us and to the one we’ve lost. It is a customized but hidden wound.”

    johnpavlovitz.com/.../

  • Srtaloo, that quote says it all.... I lost m,y beautiful Ivana to stomach cancer six months ago and the pain is still palpable, I miss her with every beat of my heart...and you are right, people around us mean well...but I cannot even begin to describe the depth of my sadness to them. And you know what hurts me most is she could never fulfil her potential, it was all cruelly taken away from her at 41yrs. I am thinking of you....you are not alone in this....one thing that helps me to get out of bed in a morning is I plan each night to do a small job in the garden the next day....anything just to give me a focus....take care and a big hug from Paul x
  • I no how you feel it doesn't get any easier I am the same so lonely without my danniella she said to me before she passed that she wanted me to be happy and make decisions for my self but so far it's not getting any better I love her so much and miss her all the time I just can't seem to cope every day is a challenge for me now she with be 40 on September 13 and it will rip me apart because I wanted her to be here for that cancer is sucks
  • I'm struggling so much i cant cope  my husband died suddenly on the 24th march this year i was driving and he grabbed my arm off the steering wheel and he was gone i had to hold him for about 6 miles till i could get some help from that day i still don't know how i did it but i did but i miss him so much i keep waking up crying and reliving that day. How long do i carry this with me. I just cant come to terms with it yet.... So I feel for your loss also. Xx

  • I'm sorry for your loss. My nanna had a very hard time with cancer. She slipped in the bathroom and hurt her shoulder. She got an xray and it just caught the tip of her lung where they discovered a shadow. The shadow turned out to be cancer. She had her operation to remove that half of the lung. She went through precautionary chemo which was knocking her sick. She got the all clear in June 2011 but started to get pains in her hip. After tests she had secondary cancer in the hip which had eaten a hole in her hip bone. They done a hip replacement in August. She also had a blood clot which broke off and blocked the blood supply to her little toe. This was septicaemia. They wouldn't amputate as she wouldn't be able to handle the chemo but they wouldn't give her chemo because she couldn't handle it. She went from having months to weeks to days within the space of 3 weeks. She got put in St. Oswalds where she was out in a drug induced coma because she was in so much pain where we were told she had hours. She fought hard during that week but passed away 21st November 2017. Towards the end of her life she grew a love for candles and every now again we get the smell of candles in the house just letting us know she still keeps an eye on us or so I like to think. Here's to all those who are fighting right now! You're so strong and those suffering loss they say it gets easier and remember you're not alone xx 

  • My Husband passed in April this year after spending 5 months in hospital diagnosed with  burkitt Lymphoma. We were Soul Mates and I miss him terribly. I have grieved constantly but seemed to be moving forward. Now I am finding every day a struggle. We had no children but I do have close friends who help me a lot and yet at the minute nothing is easing the grief I feel at his loss. I go out and keep busy but am beginning to wonder if I should seek more help yet I don't feel I can talk to anyone who didn't know My Husband about My loss. I sleep a lot and it helps but the festive season is looming and I am wondering how I am going to cope.

  • My husband died on 4/10/18 of secondary  oesophageal cancer , can't really believe he's h gone, feel terrible . My daughter is going to arrange counceling at our local hospice .. think we need it 

  • Dear Toshi.

    Very sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. My darling Richard passed away end of November of secondary liver  cancer of unknown primary . No signs but some little pain on the right side considered initially a strained... just came back fom holidays,  back to work  went to the assessment centre 1st/11 diagnosed and in process of invetigating primary.  one week in hospital and all our  dreams were  gone for ever. All too soon to quick,  no time to think, plan ,digest.  Right to the last second we hopped there would be treatment......

    We  had no children. He was a wonderful wonderful man, kind ,gentle .dedicated to nephews and nieces.  He was like  a father to them. My soul mate my world.  We were looking forward  to our retirement and finally have free time  to do anything and everything.. without  counting annual leave from work. 

    I feel lonely even when  surrounded by people. No motivation or interest and  nothing matters anymore. 

    I hope Toshi  we can find that answer  we are looking for. !

      I miss not hearing his voice , touching his face. Miss ,his cuddles and those funny moments when we were silly. 

    We need to have faith . Although I am saying it i cant still believe that he is not with me ........