I debated back and forth with myself about writing this but ultimately decided that it was something I wanted to share - in parts - with others who have maybe gone through what I have. This isn't a post about religion, about beliefs or even whether or not you believe in spirits, but perhaps just a post to give people hope that your loved ones, even when gone from this world, are still very much around you. I know that it has given me the power to carry on and I hope it can do that for someone else too.
At the end of April this year, my dearly loved Father lost his battle was cancer. It had started in his bowel, progressed to his colon,and then turned terminal. I was closer than close to my Dad and watching him slip away was the most heartbreaking thing. It was like being on a runaway train, that I knew would come to a horrible ending, but being completely powerless to stop. In his last weeks, my Father deterioated quickly. He was having constant strokes and even if you left the room for just an hour to get some lunch, when you came back; something - though you could nevre put your finger on it, was missing. He kept the power of speech until 4 days before his death and on one of my last days with him when he could still speak, we sat and spoke for a while. At this point he was still of sound enough mind to know he was dying, though this sadly faded as he grew nearer death and he grew confused about where he was and what was happening. But as we sat and spoke, in our last proper conversation, we made a deal. He promised me that when he got to the "other side", he would send a sign to say he was ok. My dad was not a reigious man but he was deeply spiritual, and I myself believe in spirits and life after death. It was the last promise he ever made me and after he passed on, I clung to this.
It was the hope and the faith that my Dad would send me a sign that got me through dealing with his death. For weeks I didn't even cry, I just waited. Part of me was probably still in shock, and my faith in spirits probably distracted me a bit. I was 100% sure he'd send a sign, but as the weeks passed, nothing came. I began to cry; the reality of his death sinking in. I missed him horribely. I asked him out loud for a sign. I had horrible dreams where he'd come to me in the dreams in other bodies and tell me he was sad. Always the same dream, always just the overwhelming feeling of sadness and confusion. None of it made any sense, and although I never did stop believing he would send a sign, I pushed it to the back of my head. I stopped searching. I stopped analysing my dreams. And that's when it happened.
I am lucky enough to have a friend who is a medium, a really strong medium, and she was coming to stay with me for a few days. Nothing to do with my dads death and her ability to sense spirits, just as a girly few days together It was on our second day as we walked through the park and she stopped and asked me if my Dad was quite a big man. I replied that he was - he had been an amateur body builder. She then asked if he had quite a distinct husky accent - he did, my Dad was a through and through yorkshireman. She then asked had the cancer been in his stomach? The cancer had been in his bowel. She then told me, she couldnt be sure, but she felt that my Dads spirit was trying to come through. We sat down on the grass and she started concentrating on trying to hear him. I was sceptical at first - not because I doubted her, but because I'd waited so long to hear from my Dad, I was asking myself "why now? why here? why through my friend of all people?". And then my friend started talking. I wont go in to details about what she was saying my Dad was saying to her, but as the words came forth, there was no doubt in my mind as to who she was speaking to. It was my Dad and he was really with us.
At first I was scared, suspicious almost, and my Dads spirit saw this and guided my friend in to giving me a certain style of hug . As soon as her hands made contact with my skin on my shoulder, I felt electricity. My dad, as an amateur body builder, had a lot of strength, and I could feel his strength in her tiny fingers. My Dad had this very unique way of hugging me when I was upset, where he'd massage the muscle between my shoulder and neck. There was no doubt in my mind anymore that it was him. There was no way my friend could have known about this, and that's when I started listening and talking to him through her. We spoke for about 10 minutes before he had to go somewhere else but for those 10 minutes, the tears would just not stop. I cried so hard out of happiness that he'd made contact. My friend was saying word for word what he was saying and some of it, I was just laughing at. He was laughing at my stepdads weight and calling him fat but saying he was a good man. My dad when alive, always made jokes about fat people,as bad as that sounds, lol! It was very "him" to mention my stepdad was overweight. He said a whole bunch of other stuff, catchphrases mainly which he'd used whilst alive, including one which he'd always told me since I was a little girl; "everything happens for a reason, you'll see." By this point my friend was crying too. She said she just felt overwhelmed by the sadness my Dad was putting across. He told her that for weeks after his death he'd felt so sad and confused at his own passing. My mind went back to the dreams I'd had - had this been my Dads first attempts at communication?
At the very end, my friend turned to me and said he had now gone and asked whether the colour blue meant anything to me because my dads spirit had faded in to an atmosphere of bright blue. Blue was my dads favourite colour. He'd have everything blue if he could. It was such a fitting ending to his message that he would dissapear in to "blue". It was definately him, something deep inside me knew it was him.
There was a bunch of other stuff he'd said aswell, which at the time made no sense. He'd spoken about his fiance and kept gesturing towards her neck and talking about brushing her hair back from her face. This meant nothing to me so the next day I asked her. By this point, nothing could shock me anymore, and right enough, it meant something to her. Apparently my Dad had often complimented her neck after pushing her hair back from her face.
My friend stayed with me for 4 days, and during those days, she let me know that my Dad was constantly slipping back and forth between me and presumably his fiance. He came everywhere with us - even on the tube!! We had little convesations each time through my friend, though not on the tube as we might have looked a bit mad. The things we spoke about just blew me away - he didnt neccessarily say bigm assive sentence, but he'd plant images in my friends head and shed ask me what they m eant and always, always, ALWAYS, they meant something to me about my Dad and I. It was like he was there. When my friend left, I felt a strange sadness - she had been my middle man to the spirit world and had helped me communicate again with my Dad. Needless to say, I have not yet stopped thanking her. She herself has said she never realised how strong a medium she was until that day in the park when my Dad came up beside her, but said the reason she had felt him so strongly was because when he was there, all she could fele was the love radiating out of him, between him and his daughter. She said that he would continue to try and contact me and that he'd said he would never leave me until he knew I was safe.
I haven't shared this story with many people, only my best friend and my Dads fiance. Nor do I feel I want to tell the world. My Dad was a private man. BUT, I wanted it to share it with the lovely people of this forum - some of whom, will go through, and have gone through, what I did when I lost my Dad. I wanted to write this down to share with people what happened that day in the Park, the day my Dad kept his final promise to me and sent me a message to say he was ok. Even when your loved ones do pass on, they never leave you. They are still there and they are always watching. Be open to their messages and they will guide you. This experience has changed my entire out look on life and I feel so much more positive about everything and more confident about living my life without my Dad who was really more than a father to me, but a best friend and a hero. Knowing he is still with me is the greatest comfort.
I hope this have given someone else hope and faith. Death is truly not the end and we need never say goodbye.
Ana xxx
