just as the title says, my beautiful, wonderful mother died yesterday night. she’d been in a long, long battle with a very rare type of cancer, and had recently gotten flu and blood clots in her lungs on top of that, and everything just came to a head and she passed whilst holding my hand.

i have absolutely no idea what to do now. i feel like everything has changed, and yet the world is operating like nothing has. i’m 23, she was 60, she’s going to miss out on so much of my life — i haven’t even graduated yet, i was so desperately hoping she’d get to see me do that.

we were so close, she’s left me so many lovely messages, we said i love you and goodnight and good morning every single day over text. it already hurt waking up to silence this morning. i just… i have no idea what to do. how does anyone do this? is it just going to keep hitting me like a freight train over and over again? i cant sleep, im struggling to eat, even drinking is hard and im crying so much i have headaches.

i just need some help. i already miss her so much. i cant do this without her