Hello Imissher5678 and a very warm welcome to our forum, 

First of all I am so sorry for your recent loss. It must be so hard to lose your mum at such a young age, at a time in your life when you probably feel that you still very much need her. And it's completely understandable that you are now feeling a little bit lost, that it is hard to imagine how you can live on without your mum who has been such an important and constant presence in your life. And it's not uncommon when suffering such a terrible loss to look back at what happened and to start thinking that things could have been preventable - all those 'what ifs' that will inevitably dominate our minds and that so many members of our community will have also experienced.

As you can read on our page on coping with grief, you might go through a range of complex emotions and having this feeling that there was something you could have done or said is a very common manifestation of grief but it's important to remember that you did everything you could for your mum and you took great care of her and there is absolutely nothing you could have done better. It's all still so very raw for you and you must also be exhausted after the last few months and it's normal to feel like it's hard to live on and it's difficult for you to see at the moment how things will get better but with time and support you will gradually be able to rebuild your life and look forward to a brighter future. You are so young and it may be very hard for you to see it that way now but there are so many beautiful things in life you will experience again and you know that this is what your mum would want for you. 

As you've been through such a tough time recently, I think it would not do any harm to get in touch with your GP and to explain what has happened recently and how low you are feeling at the moment and I am sure your doctor will be able to help you and to point you in the right direction. There is also the Samaritans Helpline you can ring at any time of day or night on 116 123 so don't hesitate to get in touch with them if you feel you need to talk to someone about how you are feeling and how difficult things have been for you recently. 

Keep strong, Imissher5678 we are also all here for you on this forum and there will be many other members of our community who have also sadly lost a parent and who will know exactly how you are feeling at the moment and what you are going through. It helps sometimes to talk to others who are or who have been in a similar place. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator