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Grief Stricken

162
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Totally heartbroken that I lost my husband to lung cancer on 25th March this year .Knew it was going to be hard but honestly have never felt pain like this before.I sob my heart out every day and wish he was still with me .People tell me things will get better but I can t see a light at the end of this long dark tunnel .He went through his illness with so much dignity and never complained.He would always say ."One day at a time ".He kept very well right up to the week he passed away and I never for a moment thought that it was near his time as it happened that suddenly .Now I feel like I'm living in a bad dream that I can 't wake up from and I feel like only half of me is now existing.Miss him so very very much ,

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    Hi 162, 

    I am so sorry for your loss - this is truly heart-breaking and it must all still be a bit raw for you and it's difficult to see the light at the end of the long tunnel. It must be so hard for you to have to get used to life without him by your side so take the time you need to grieve and even though people mean well when they say things will get better don't put pressure on yourself to achieve this by a certain time frame. There is in-depth information on our website on coping with grief which I hope you will find helpful and which will tell you more about the complexities of the grieving process and how you can experience a range of emotions and the different stages you may go through and it's important to remember that we all grieve differently and there is no one way to grieve really but what your husband used to say could be a good principle to follow now too, to take "one day at a time" and try if you can to fill your days with things you enjoy even though it might not be easy to do so at the moment. The fact that it happened so suddenly makes it all the harder and I hope that you have some good friends and family around you to support you, have a cup of tea and a chat with you during this intensely emotional time. It's normal to miss him so much and I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that so many other members of our community feel just like you having lost a partner and finding it really hard to cope and I hope that they will come and comfort you and share their story with you. 

    If you feel that you need to talk to your GP about how you are feeling or that you need some help, don't hesitate to give your doctor a call and explain your situation and I am sure that they will have some good suggestions for you to help you in the coming weeks and months. 

    We are all here for you so don't hesitate to use the forum too as a safe space to talk to others who have also been or currently find themselves in a similar situation after the loss of a loved one. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Lucie

    Thank you for your kind reply .It is so painful Just seem to be existing from day to day .Like being in a bad dream .Missing my husband terribly .

  • Offline in reply to 162

    Hi

    I'm so sorry to read on the loss of your husband, I am also in the midst of grief. I lost my dear mum to cancer of the bowel in April and I'm currently off work. Its so very difficult and I still haen't laid her to rest  the funeral is June so the planning has kept myself busy. Again I do agree with your husbands saying  day by day, I also use this. I'm surviving day to day, I miss her terribly and cared for her until she passed, we were all together and we have achieved all her wishes as she wanted. 

    I have now told myself that I will try to celebrate my mums life and should I cry I will remember I was lucky to have her as my mum and be thankful she was a good strong lady and wouldn't want me to morn her daily, she never liked to see me cry and I've cried for months since she was diagnosed.i have the support of my family and we are all going through this so this again comforts me. Its my brothers birthday tomorrow and he passed away by suicide 5 years ago in August and my mum struggled with this loss everyday she will be reunited with him shortly and this I know she wanted as she paid for the plot when he passed. Her partner is going through the grief too after 34 years and he seems lost at times too but I know my mum wouldn't want him to be sad everyday and she expressed her worry for him, all I can do is be there and and again day by day we will learn to live without my mum and life is not ever be the same as it was before I try my best not to look beyond the next day. I wish you all the love and best wishes and be kind to yourself  cry  scream it helps on this journey to a better tomorrow.

    Xx

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