Hello Jeanie.  First of all, I am so sorry for your loss, and to answer your question, YES, it does stop at some point.  The raw grief you are feeling right now will eventually subside in to a sad acceptance. Don't get me wrong.......you will always miss your Mum, and I do not believe that we ever completely 'Get Over' losing the ones we Love, but there comes a point where it gets easier.   I nursed my Mum when she had terminal cancer, so I understand exactly where you are coming from.  Your Mum only died 6 months ago, which is still very recent.  How long it will take for you to get through the worst of it is impossible to say, because we are all different.  What I would say is that you should allow yourself to grieve......if you need to cry, then cry, and if you need to talk about your Mum, then talk about her.  Don't try to suppress your grief.  I promise you Jeanie, you will get through this, and once again, so sorry for your awful loss, take care, xx

Thank you so much for replying to me, and your lovely words of support. I really really appreciate it. I'm sorry it's taken me a few days to reply and say thank you. I'm so sorry that you've been through a similar experience. Life can be so cruel. I hope that you are doing ok xx

Thank you Jeanie, you are welcome.  And yes......life can be so cruel, I agree with you.  Take care, xx

Hi Blue-girl,

A very warm welcome to our forum, although I'm so sorry to hear why you're here and offer my sincere sympathy on your Mum's passing.

I lost my Mum to secondary cancer, many years ago and I agree with all that Jeanie says. Some people are fortunate enough to have a peaceful passing, but others are not. Many loved ones feel traumatised by those agitated images of the last few days and it can be particularly difficult to start thinking of happier times - but, it will eventually come. I found it helpful to have a photo of my Mum placed in a prominent place and I often stopped in front of it to chat to her, especially in the early days. There are a number of different stages of grief and it takes some of us much longer to come to terms with our loss, than others. You are still in the early stages of this, so give yourself time. 

Do you talk about your Mum? This helps, particularly if you can recall happier times. Have you considered talking to a counsellor about how you feel? The bereavement charity Cruise as well as some of the Cancer charities offer this service and many people find this helpful. It is now 28 years since I lost my Mum and, although I have now come to terms with my loss, I still miss her every day. You will never forget your Mum and you will always hold a place for her in your heart.

Please keep in touch and remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hello Jolamine, thank you so much for your kind reply. Just like your Mum,  My Mum died 28 years ago.  Actually, the reason I come to this forum is because I now have terminal cancer myself.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer six years ago and although I had an operation and chemo, I was told a couple of years ago that it had metastatized and had  become terminal.  I was given a year to live, but more than 2 years later, I am still here......although I am growing weaker and have been housebound for a couple of years.  The reason I come to this forum is not because I am still grieving for my Mum (although I do still get times when I miss her) but because I feel that my own experiences with cancer might help other folks.  I know how it feels to watch a loved one die from this disease and I know how it feels to be dying from it myself.  Sometimes I feel so fed up that I actually wish that it was all over and done with......I know that might sound really strange, but I often feel that I have had enough of this monster and I simply want to be free from it.  Cancer throws up so many different feelings and emotions, it really is a rollercoaster.  Anyway Jolamine, once again, thank you for your kind words, and I am sorry for the loss of your Mother,  xx

Hello Jeanie,

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

My Mum died from cancer some years ago now and I was there when she went. Although it wasn't as distressing as it sounds like it was for you and your Mum, it also wasn't the quiet peaceful passing many people led me to expect and I was left feeling a little traumatised.

Like you and your Mum, I had a moment the day before, when she was still conscious and lucid, that felt like the goodbye and the last time we spoke. As time has gone on I think more of that moment, than of the day after. It did take time though.

I also had a dream that I went to visit her in the hospital, and she was sat on the bed, dressed in her nice clothes. Hair and make up done. And she said "I'm ready now" and it was her saying she was ready to go. I don't believe in mysticism and things but that dream gave me a lot of peace. Perhaps it was my subconscious when I was ready.

I'm so sorry your Mum's last day was the way it was. Keep looking at photos of her how she really was. Talk about her and remember her for the person she really was.

X

Hi Blue-girl,

I am so sorry to hear of your terminal diagnosis and fully understand where you're coming from with your emotions. I seem to have got the posts between you and Jeaniebeans mixed up, so my apologies to both of you for that.

I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer and now have to rely on a mobility scooter to get around. These were 15 years ago and I have contributed to the forum ever since then. I found that I got such tremendous support in the early days of my diagnosis, that I wanted to try and help others where I could. Ironically, I have also found that this has helped me to accept my lot. It has allowed me to concentrate on others instead of on my own ailments too, which has been a good thing. Sadly, a lot of people disappear from the site, once their treatment is finished, but there is no doubt that people who come to the forum really do appreciate the benefit of the experience of others, who have preceded them on their journeys. I have no doubt that your encounter with cancer, will have given you a lot of understanding of this disease and many useful tips that you can pass on to others.

I sincerely hope that you continue to beat the odds, for as long as you're able. Please keep in touch and let us know how you're getting on. Remember that we are always here for you too.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx