My husband was diagnosed with rcc with metastasis in March 2024. It was an awful year, he suffered severe pain, treatment side effects to the extreme. He was in denial the whole time, I went along with this denial. We still made plans for our future retirement, it seemed a kind thing to do. He couldn't do any of the physical work and would sit in a chair all day. December he got worse and was hospitalised, he never recovered. I stayed with him trying to reassure him that everything would be OK. Told him constantly how much I loved him and how glad I was that he had come into my life. He lost his fight january 3rd. Part of me felt relieved that he was out of pain, then my panic and constant crying began. This lasted for five weeks, two of those weeks I cannot hardly remember anything. I am now much calmer and relaxed, I cannot change anything and I could not have done any more for him. I always felt like I was walking on eggshells, now I no longer have that feeling, I miss him and am not looking forward to growing old without him. But I cannot help feeling that I have to live and I need to remember the happy times. I don't miss feeling anxious when I was talking to him, incase he didn't like what I was saying. Can anyone please tell me if this is normal to feel like this so soon after his death?
