Hi Emma, 

I lost my beautiful Dad to prostate cancer in July this year. This is my first Christmas without him and TBH I want it over with. 

He was diagnosed 2 years prior to his passing, so technically mourned him for over 2 years. 

I feel that my grief predominately circles around the anger stage. I feel angry at everything and everyone and it's eating away at me.

I know everyone goes through grief differently but from reading your post I wonder if we share common ground with this grief stage?

Hi Emma, 

I lost my beautiful Dad to prostate cancer in July this year. This is my first Christmas without him and TBH I want it over with. 

He was diagnosed 2 years prior to his passing, so technically mourned him for over 2 years. 

I feel that my grief predominately circles around the anger stage. I feel angry at everything and everyone and it's eating away at me.

I know everyone goes through grief differently but from reading your post I wonder if we share common ground with this grief stage?

Maybe  I am angry at social services for just calling last week with a care package he asked for in August then maybe he would still be here etc 

Reading this has knocked me sick. 
Everyday I have the same thought, which is "This time last year he was still here" or "This time 6 months ago he was still here".

I am finding it hard to just "get on with life". I think maybe one side of me wants to world to stay still and mourn my Dad, and that is disrespectful just cracking on. 

I feel like other around me are just going on with life but I am stuck in freeze frame with dark final days of my Dads life on repeat in my head. 

Literally I feel the same my moms in New Cross and in my head when I saw her today I couldn’t stay long as I know where he has the camera done and I walked passed and I was like this time 3 weeks ago he was in their asking if I brought my book with me as it’s a long wait and I wheeled him down the corridor I walked to ane  part of me is like I wanna go watch a film but then I don’t want dad to think I’ve moved on to soon  I feel like a zombie walking round 

I have no recollection of what I’ve been doing for the last few weeks without him 

I know my dad would want me to live my life and not to be sad when I cried I front of him he was like I’m gonna be fine it’s ok and then the poor dog is sulking  around in his only human and he don’t even jump all over me like he used to when dad was their