On 14th July I had to say goodbye to my precious 18 year old son who had been battling Aveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma since January 2022. 
After 9 cycles of chemo and 6 weeks of Radiotherapy he was all clear for 6 months. He then relapsed and battled ever since. We travelled to Germany to see different Professors who are at the top of their game but his cancer had gone to far and there was no containing it. 
we were lucky enough to get him home before he passed although UCLH did not make this easy. 
He was the bravest of boys and faced everything head on. 
words cannot express the loss and void I feel every day. 
Im not sure how I can live the rest of my life without him as he was my absolute world but have to carry on for my other 2 children which is so difficult. All I want to do is go to bed, not see anyone and sometimes wish I don’t wake up. 
people keep saying that time is a healer but I don’t think I can or even want to be healed. For me the longer it gets away from his passing day the further I am away from him and this is unbearable.