I’ve recently lost my 18 year old son

On 14th July I had to say goodbye to my precious 18 year old son who had been battling Aveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma since January 2022. 
After 9 cycles of chemo and 6 weeks of Radiotherapy he was all clear for 6 months. He then relapsed and battled ever since. We travelled to Germany to see different Professors who are at the top of their game but his cancer had gone to far and there was no containing it. 
we were lucky enough to get him home before he passed although UCLH did not make this easy. 
He was the bravest of boys and faced everything head on. 
words cannot express the loss and void I feel every day. 
Im not sure how I can live the rest of my life without him as he was my absolute world but have to carry on for my other 2 children which is so difficult. All I want to do is go to bed, not see anyone and sometimes wish I don’t wake up. 
people keep saying that time is a healer but I don’t think I can or even want to be healed. For me the longer it gets away from his passing day the further I am away from him and this is unbearable. 

  • I'm so sorry, no one should lose a child and I can't imagine your pain. You must be absolutely devastated and struggling to keep going, but keep going you must for your other children, just as they need to for you, as hard as it is. No, time is not a healer, we just learn to live with it and discover which coping mechanisms work for us. It will get easier, although it doesn't feel like it now, and all these 'firsts' like Christmas and birthdays add to the misery. Consider bereavement counselling, that may help for a safe place to talk. Again, I'm so very, very sorry and wrapping you in a warm hug x

  • Thank you for you kind words.