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How do you get through losing your lovely Mum?

kayzie
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I recently lost my lovely Mum aged 85  to Cancer, 7 weeks ago. I am really struggling trying to come to terms with the whole thing, especially as we were extremely close and saw each other regularly.

I have tried to think positively and remember all the good times but cannot believe I will not see her anymore.

Our family are all very close so we have each other and are going through it together but I still find myself crying regularly and have a constant feeling of anxiety.

I am lucky enough to still have my Dad (which is a bonus at 87 years old) so I have to be strong around him. 

Any tips out there?

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    I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m in the same boat, I lost my dad 3 months ago yesterday to glioblastoma at the age of 67. 

    In short I don’t think you ever get through / over it, I just think it becomes a little easier to live with as time passes. I keep saying to myself my dad wouldn’t have wanted to continue like he had been the last few months of his life. He’d lost his independence, dignity and even he told us he wanted to go as the pain was just sooo bad in his last 24 hours. 

    I’ve found it good to talk with your family, like yours were all so close and done everything together. We often have nights where we sit, drink and talk about the good times. I got a ring made with his ashes and wear it round my neck so he’s always with me. 

    I still find it tough to do certain things we used to do together but in time I’ll give it a go as I know he wouldn’t want me to give my hobbies up regardless of how tough it is right now. 

    I’m finding it tougher now adjusting to the new normal than when he passed away as I just keep expecting him to come through the front door with his smart *** remarks. I haven’t really slept since it happened and often think about the day he passed away with us all beside him. It’s horrible. 

    I don’t really have any tips but just wanted to say how sorry I am and sending you lots of strength at this tough time. 

    Take care 

  • Offline in reply to Chris_83

    Chris_83 thank you for taking the time to respond to me and for your kind words. 

    I am very sorry for your loss, also. There is no-one quite as precious as a parent who created you. Nothing prepares you for when suddenly they are no longer with you.

    You find yourself in a different category don't you when you feel the way we do! I too am not sleeping. When I do, I constantly dream of my mum which makes me feel very disturbed when I wake up as I then realise she isn't here! I too can't get out of my mind when I was with her when she passed. I was so grateful to have been with her till the very end but it is constantly with me... seeing her little face, feeling and stroking her hand and  her forehead.  

     I am wondering if I should have taken more time off work? 

    What is also difficult to come to terms with is that at the time of mum's passing, my husband and my grown up children and grandchildren were away on holiday. I should have been going away too but I knew I could not chance it in case anything awful happened whilst I was away...and it did! It happened when everyone was away! I think the trauma of dealing with it alone has scarred me. I of course had to prop up my dad and proceed with funeral arrangements and letting the relevant people know etc. If it hadn't been for one of my sons who was able to be with me throughout, I don't know what I would have done! This also is constantly with me. It's almost like I am grieving myself if that makes sense?

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