I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m in the same boat, I lost my dad 3 months ago yesterday to glioblastoma at the age of 67. 

In short I don’t think you ever get through / over it, I just think it becomes a little easier to live with as time passes. I keep saying to myself my dad wouldn’t have wanted to continue like he had been the last few months of his life. He’d lost his independence, dignity and even he told us he wanted to go as the pain was just sooo bad in his last 24 hours. 

I’ve found it good to talk with your family, like yours were all so close and done everything together. We often have nights where we sit, drink and talk about the good times. I got a ring made with his ashes and wear it round my neck so he’s always with me. 

I still find it tough to do certain things we used to do together but in time I’ll give it a go as I know he wouldn’t want me to give my hobbies up regardless of how tough it is right now. 

I’m finding it tougher now adjusting to the new normal than when he passed away as I just keep expecting him to come through the front door with his smart *** remarks. I haven’t really slept since it happened and often think about the day he passed away with us all beside him. It’s horrible. 

I don’t really have any tips but just wanted to say how sorry I am and sending you lots of strength at this tough time. 

Take care 

Chris_83 thank you for taking the time to respond to me and for your kind words. 

I am very sorry for your loss, also. There is no-one quite as precious as a parent who created you. Nothing prepares you for when suddenly they are no longer with you.

You find yourself in a different category don't you when you feel the way we do! I too am not sleeping. When I do, I constantly dream of my mum which makes me feel very disturbed when I wake up as I then realise she isn't here! I too can't get out of my mind when I was with her when she passed. I was so grateful to have been with her till the very end but it is constantly with me... seeing her little face, feeling and stroking her hand and  her forehead.  

 I am wondering if I should have taken more time off work? 

What is also difficult to come to terms with is that at the time of mum's passing, my husband and my grown up children and grandchildren were away on holiday. I should have been going away too but I knew I could not chance it in case anything awful happened whilst I was away...and it did! It happened when everyone was away! I think the trauma of dealing with it alone has scarred me. I of course had to prop up my dad and proceed with funeral arrangements and letting the relevant people know etc. If it hadn't been for one of my sons who was able to be with me throughout, I don't know what I would have done! This also is constantly with me. It's almost like I am grieving myself if that makes sense?

I lost my mum over two years ago, I was in China doing their lockdown and couldn't get home so I was here on my own and I grieved and I cried but life returned to how it was before albeit with mum in my life, the thing is - she hasn't gone away, she is still with me or I feel she is, I get advice from her when I have to make a decision - nothlng really leaves, she is still a part of my life.

What I do understand is that losing people we love is part of our journey and that my mum lived her life, did the things she wanted to do and did the things she wanted to achieve - we're all on a never ending train journey, we get on the train and take a seat and there are people on there before us who will get off at their stations and then people will get on after us and make themselves comfortable and then our stop comes and we have to get off because it is our stop.

I am 52, I have another 30 years left, 30 years ago was 1994 which is a nothing timeframe, I remember it like yesterday, and then I won't be here, I will be with my parents and everyone else - life is a journey and the best thing to do now is grieve but sometime in the future you will laugh at jokes, smile at good news and life will carry on - my mum lost her parents when she was living a long way from them and she had to go to work the next day - I don't remember being a massive help at the time which is something I regret - I suppose the point I am making is that we all have to go through it, unless we go first of course, which is something nobody's mum would ever want - to bury their children. Strength at the time and take care.

Hi Carlos

I just wanted to say what a great analogy that is, being on a train journey, it made real sense to me.

I also lost my mum nearly 2 years ago and I truly believe that she is with my sister, who died 15 years ago.  I still feel the presence of both of them.  My nephew lives in a different country and he came to visit in the summer, we went to the special place near where I live, where we scattered his mum's ashes.  The whole time that we were there, there were 2 butterflies flitting around us, settling on the rocks right beside us.  I really believe that was my sister and my mum joining in our family get together.

I wish you well for the upcoming few weeks, Christmas is still hard, even though I would not wish my loved ones to still be suffering, I do miss them more at this time of year.

Best wishes

Annie

Hi Annie, I am sorry about the  loss of your mum and your sister, they're hard losses whenever they happen and you are left behind to grieve and to carry on with the mechanics of your life also, it's never easy but like you - I believe my loved ones are with me here and helping me and that is a massive comfort, so many things have happened to me like they did with you (like when the butterflies appeared when you were about to spread your sisters ashes) - when I came home from China and it was one of the first few days of me being back - the remote control of the TV just flew up in the air and landed at my feet! I was like 'what the...' and my dad was there and he/we couldn't believe what we saw and that was only one of many things that have happened since, mostly subtle but noticeable. 

I wish you well for this Christmas and New Year, they're with you like my mum is with me. Take care, Annie.