Marriage trouble

Hi there, I lost my wonderful mum 5 weeks ago. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer which spread to her liver and lungs and passed away 3 weeks after her diagnosis. My mum has been my rock and has always been there and supportive through my whole life. I have 3 amazing children 16, 12 and 5 and a husband of 26 years. I feel my husband isn’t being as supportive as I thought he would be. Weve had a few marriage problems in the past but have thankfully managed to get back on track. He’s great with our three children and always there for other people…. Most of the time down the pub on his phone. He has said that I can always talk to him if I need to but I just don’t feel like he actually gets how sad I am that my mum is no longer here….His parents are still here but it hurts how much that he would rather be down the pub with friends and to top it all off didn’t even come home on one occasion with no message at all… I really wonder do I want to be with someone who doesn’t emotionally support me after all these years together. I’m so deeply saddened that I don’t know what to do. Thank you for reading.

  • Hello ShalC16

    I'm sorry to hear that you've recently lost your Mum. It's naturally a difficult time for you and it's sad to hear that you're feeling so unsupported by your husband. 

    The loss of a loved one, and the ensuing grief, can make us step back and consider the other significant relationships in our lives. It's understandable that you're struggling at the moment. You don't mention in your post if you've talked with your husband about how you're feeling. Perhaps if you were to share with him just how difficult you're finding things, both the loss of your Mum and feeling unsupported then it may open a conversation that helps improve things for you. 

    If you think that you'd like to talk with someone about your relationship then you could consider getting in touch with Relate for some advice and support. 

    I do hope things improve for you. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator