My lovely Dad passed away in July after being diagnosed in April and I just don’t feel like I’m coping. If anybody is going through similar, it would be nice to hear how we do this
Hey, I’m in the same boat. My dad was diagnosed in March, he had a biopsy in April which ended up being glioblastoma.m (stage 4 brain tumour). He also passed away in July.
The first few weeks were hard but I ended up being on autopilot for the funeral, wake, sorting things for my mam. This is the worst part for me just getting used to the new normal as it’s so quiet and things just aren’t the same anymore. I’m just taking things day by day right now.
My dad passed away 5 and a half weeks ago. He was diagnosed in October 2023 with recurrent throat cancer after successfully being treated first time round in 2016. Having received treatment between December and Feb 2024, his PET scan revealed he was clear in May 2024. Through his recovery he was suffering from side effects of the treatment, it came as a huge shock when he went to sleep on an August evening and never woke up. He needed a post mortem and the cause was a real shocker - throat cancer. I just can’t get my head around the fact he has gone and what went so wrong between being told he was all clear in May and 10 weeks later he’s gone. The overwhelming sadness is getting worse, I feel like I am struggling to cope. Still waiting for the funeral and just so mentally drained.
I take it you’re still waiting for the funeral due to the post mortem?
I wish I could tell you it gets easier but it’s still quite raw for me 9 weeks on so still too soon. I don’t think I’ve really been coping per se - just trying to keep a few promises I made to him a week before he passed.
I’ve been helping my mam with some painting / decorating, odd jobs and generally making sure I’m there for her. I've been trying to remember the good times, looking through old photos, telling funny stories, trying to get back out there in the real world but the ‘new’ normal sucks.
Personally I don’t think I’ll ever get over it but I’m just trying to get moving as my motivation is so low.
Yes, the funeral is still just over a week away. The post mortem took over 2 weeks to get done, the results took a further week and I challenged the results. Exactly 1 month later we were able to register his death and arrange the funeral.
I think I’ve come to realise that life will never be the same again, the acceptance is where I’m struggling right now, but I have a family and I know that a level of normality needs to remain. I’m spending every day with my mum, and like you, carrying out the things I said we would do over the summer.
My friend lost her mum in January and that was sudden too. She said that it doesn’t get easier, you just learn to live with it.
I wish you well and if you find anything that is worth giving a go…please reach out.
Take care of yourself. I’ll certainly get in touch if something works for me.
I just breakdown thinking about all the things we used to do together (football, beers, snooker, just chatting **** and putting the world to right. All the things we’re not going to be able to do anymore…it hurts but I suppose that’s life.
