Hi pensioner,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I can only imagine how incredibly difficult this must be and I want to send our condolences. No doubt things must be very raw at the moment.

We are always here for support on the forum, so keep using this as a safe space to write things down and reach out to others, if you'd like to. I'm sure there will be others here going through, or have been through, something similar. Hopefully you'll get some more replies soon - you can also use the search bar at the top of the page to find other relevant discussions and people.

I hope you have a good support network around you too - keep speaking to each other about how you feel, as it helps to talk.

If ever you feel you need some additional support, have a look at Cruse. They offer various resources on their website, and they also have a helpline if you want someone to chat to who understands.

It may take some time but hopefully things will gradually start to become more manageable. Take things a day at a time and keep looking after yourself.

As I say, we are always here if you need it.

Best wishes,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello there. I lost my beautiful husband 3 weeks ago after a long 20month battle with lung cancer.

He had 4 sessions of chemotherapy followed by immune therapy which unfortunately did not suit him. In fact it caused inflammation and multiple blood clots on his lungs so they had to stop the treatment. After 8 months on a high dose of steroids to get rid of the inflammation he started another chemotherapy treatment. The oncologist was delighted that after 2 sessions his tumour had shrunk by 50% and was very happy for him to continue the last 2 sessions. After the last session of chemotherapy he had a scan which showed it had done a u turn and travelled into his legs and spine. We were devastated how can this happen after such good results. He couldn’t come to terms with it nor could I.  He was told he had but 2 weeks left to live and to put his house in order. I brought him home to care for him and the McMillan nurses arranged a hospital bed and wheelchairs for him, but his illness proceeded rapidly. He literally died in my arms and I felt his heart stop. This image is stuck in my head and I am struggling to deal with this grief, I will never get over the loss of him 46 years married to a wonderful man. He fought his battle so hard and accepted every treatment offered and this was so so cruel. My son is also looking for answers as to why this could happen and he also is struggling. We buried him last Tuesday and gave him the best send off ever and donations from family and friends we raised over £1200 for lung cancer research. I know that he would be happy for this money to go into research into this terrible disease and I don’t want anyone else to have to go through this experience. I feel your pain as well but I cry when I want and I find myself talking to his photos all the time.

God Bless

Hi there .I have just lost my husband to lung cancer after being married for 48 years .I am totally heartbroken and can t stop crying .Life is so cruel .My husband was a lovely man and was loved by everyone who knew him .I feel guilty that I m still here and shouldn't be doing anything without him as we were always together going out lovely walks or visiting little cafes for lunch .Can t bring myself to do anything and just want to close my blinds and keep the world out .The pain I feel is immense.Feel as if I m just existing and life has hardly any meaning now .I have 2 lovely son's who are doing everything they can to help but the emptiness just doesn't t go away .Kiss his photos before I go to bed and then when I get up in the morning.Hardly recognize myself now as when I look in the mirror I just see an old woman and I d always been used to looking after myself.Nothing seems to matter anymore and staying on your own is so lonely when you Ve been used to looking after the love of your life .

Hi there I’m so sorry for your loss and I know and feel the pain you’re going through. No-one can understand the pain and suffering you are left with until it happens to you. 2 days ago it was my Wedding Anniversary It would have been 47 years for me and I was a total wreck all day. But like you I kiss his photographs all around the house I put up cards he sent me I wear his sweaters and aftershave to remind me of him. The days ahead will improve slightly for you I still have good days and bad days but the important thing to remember is that he would not want you to feel like you are giving up. I too am isolated from my son who lives more than 500 miles away but I am determined to carry on because I know that’s what my husband would have wanted as hard as it is. I want to see my grandchildren grow up and get married, and when they visit me I talk about him all the time. Remember like me you have been very lucky compared to some to have had such a wonderful soul in your life for so long. Let the tears flow as I do do not hold them back for you need to  let it out. I still cry at least 2/3 times a week for him but not half as much as before. It will be 1 year for his passing on 10th June and I won’t be in a good place but I will get through this for him. Try to keep busy doing something you both enjoyed I find gardening helps me as I feel I’m doing it for him and I talk to him all the time. He will be all around you for sure believe me. He would have taken all the love you had for him with him and that will never go away. Find the strength and courage to carry on for him as I’m sure that’s what he would have wanted. God Bless you thinking of you xxx

Thank you for your kind reply .It means a lot .I m just back from visiting my son in Buckingham as lives there with his wife and my 3 grandchildren .It's 350 miles away .It was nice to see them but it's not the same since it's just me now .I felt myself agitated with the kids and that's just not me .My son tells me dad wouldn't want you to be like this .You must go on and lead your life.I know his words are true but I just feel I don t have anything to do now that he has gone as my every waking moment was spent trying to help him and make sure he had the best quality of life I could give him .Everybody is kind but it means little in these dark days.Hopefully I'll be able to turn the corner but at the moment I'm just a blubbering wreck .When I open his wardrobe all I smell is his lovely aftershave and it makes me miss him even more .I don t want to burden people with me in tears all the time so I choose to stay in and decline any invitations to go out for lunch as I have turned so quiet and don t have much conversation for anybody .Like you re dear husband we got our hopes built up when the consultant told us his tumour had shrunk after 12 sessions of intense radiotherapy (the chemotherapy didn't t work for him).Then at the next check up they said it had progressed and they were going to try immunotherapy but he had only 2 treatments but it was unsuccessful.Sitting here with my jammies on and going to have a cup of tea wondering what can I do today .The days and the nights are so long and I just miss him so much .I am glad to hear that even though you still shed tears you're finding it a wee bit easier and that gives me a small element of hope that things will get a little easier .Thank you so much .Take care lovely ladyxx

Hi there.Thank you for kind reply .Like you I am almost 70( August) .I live in Scotland too.My confidence levels are so low .My sisters are always want to include me with they're friends but they fail to understand that I'm not ready for that .They say come on out we'll have a laugh and it will be good for you but it's just not what I want at the moment .I would feel so guilty having a laugh when the love of my life is gone .Sorry if I sound all doom and gloom as I know you are trying to comprehend things yourself .I am usually a strong person but this got me .Was planning on going for a shower and get dressed but still sitting here with the goony on