My mum passed away 10 days ago after being diagnosed with metatastic small cell lung cancer and it happened so quickly... Mum was diagnosed less than 8 weeks ago and, the cancer was so aggressive and took her so quickly, I am still in shock that she's not here. I've cried everyday and struggled to function. Mum thought the pain in her back was osteoporosis and arthritis in the spine until her bones began to hurt and she pushed her doctors for a scan. We were all devastated when the scan revealed tumours on both lungs that had spread to her spine and lymph nodes. There were delays via her oncologist for proper pain medication or treatment due to histology report needing to be resent back for second specialist to look at it all, that by the time mums appointment with the oncologist arrived, mum was too weak to even get out of the front door. She had been walking unaided only the week before.

Seeing mum deteriorating so fast was traumatic and even though I was with her everyday, cooking her meals and keeping her company, just after 6 weeks of being diagnosed, mum was being taken to hospital in an ambulance where she remained until she died only 9 days later . The pain mum was in was beyond devastating and she was so terrified of leaving us and this world, it was such a shock to her but dying in pain was her biggest fear. Witnessing my mum helpless and begging for help in those last days....Haunt me. My husband and I stayed at the hospital overnight by her side, holding her hand as did my brother and his wife the following night and, my sister. Mum didn't want to be alone and we, didn't want to leave her. All of her family were with her during this awful time which is the only comfort mum had. She became so distressed the last few days that the morning before her passing, the doctors ran off to assist and gave her palliative sedation, from which she never gained consciousness. 

I sit today, going from feelings of numbness and not believing all this has happened,, to feelings of complete despair. My poor mum. Nobody deserves to suffer the way she did. My best friend, the person I spoke to/saw everyday has gone. I'm hoping in time I can come back on here and give comfort to those who have or are loosing someone to cancer. It's such a lonely and frightening time. I was on here weeks ago searching for hope and comfort when my mum was still here. I feel for everyone going through this, I really do. X