My mum has just passed away from metatastic small cell lung cancer and I'm still in shock.

My mum passed away 10 days ago after being diagnosed with metatastic small cell lung cancer and it happened so quickly... Mum was diagnosed less than 8 weeks ago and, the cancer was so aggressive and took her so quickly, I am still in shock that she's not here. I've cried everyday and struggled to function. Mum thought the pain in her back was osteoporosis and arthritis in the spine until her bones began to hurt and she pushed her doctors for a scan. We were all devastated when the scan revealed tumours on both lungs that had spread to her spine and lymph nodes. There were delays via her oncologist for proper pain medication or treatment due to histology report needing to be resent back for second specialist to look at it all, that by the time mums appointment with the oncologist arrived, mum was too weak to even get out of the front door. She had been walking unaided only the week before.

Seeing mum deteriorating so fast was traumatic and even though I was with her everyday, cooking her meals and keeping her company, just after 6 weeks of being diagnosed, mum was being taken to hospital in an ambulance where she remained until she died only 9 days later . The pain mum was in was beyond devastating and she was so terrified of leaving us and this world, it was such a shock to her but dying in pain was her biggest fear. Witnessing my mum helpless and begging for help in those last days....Haunt me. My husband and I stayed at the hospital overnight by her side, holding her hand as did my brother and his wife the following night and, my sister. Mum didn't want to be alone and we, didn't want to leave her. All of her family were with her during this awful time which is the only comfort mum had. She became so distressed the last few days that the morning before her passing, the doctors ran off to assist and gave her palliative sedation, from which she never gained consciousness. 

I sit today, going from feelings of numbness and not believing all this has happened,, to feelings of complete despair. My poor mum. Nobody deserves to suffer the way she did. My best friend, the person I spoke to/saw everyday has gone. I'm hoping in time I can come back on here and give comfort to those who have or are loosing someone to cancer. It's such a lonely and frightening time. I was on here weeks ago searching for hope and comfort when my mum was still here. I feel for everyone going through this, I really do. X

  • Hi Katerinal

    I'm not sure if you're checking this post you made 4 months ago anymore but I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Your initial experience does sound a lot like what we're going through -  from my mum thinking the pain in her shoulder was osteoporosis to her then being diagnosed with lung cancer over the phone after a CT scan result. An absolutely devastating shock for us all. 

    My mum is still with us and was diagnosed end of June. Since then, every follow up appointment and scan has been so slow. We haven't been told her PET scan results and she is due to go in for a biopsy tomorrow. God knows when she will even see a oncologist and we are still all none the wiser as to what the future holds. The process or lack of hasn't been at all what I expected. 

    She does seem to be deteriorating some days, other days she seems somewhat stronger. My absolute worst fear is seeing her suffer and for to leave me so soon. I feel way too young to lose my mum and like you, she is my best friend.  

    Wish you all the healing during this difficult time. 

    Xx

  • All sounds so so similar to my mum but it was hip pain. 4 months ago for me. I don’t know anyone who has been through this so in a way it’s a comfort to read. 

    how are you doing?

  • So sorry for your loss, unfortunately my uncle has not long passed away from lung , liver and bone cancer, been to his funeral today infact , he died 9 days after being told there was no treatment available only palliative care , unfortunately there was no bed at the hospice so he ended up being admitted to hospital on a weekend not the best thing unfortunately, so was very traumatic for my aunt. 
    Sadley I received the news last week that my own brush with cancer(adrenal ) has spread to my lungs, quite scary for someone who has lost many family members to lung cancer & COPD I have started Mitotane and hope we can contain it. 

  • I lost my mum in June under very similar circumstances, she complained of a pain in her back in April, she had an xray and they told her she had broken a bone in her back so they put her on painkillers and total rest. She kept going back as the pain got worst, so they gave her oramorph she was 75 on the 10th May and had never been ill and walked miles everyday. On Monday the 13 May my dad got her another appointment,  we literally had to carry her in to the appointment,  and he explained she wasn't going to the loo, and she wasn't getting better so the doctor just upped her morphine, on Tuesday they had to call for an ambulance the morphine wasn't going anywhere because she had a water infection ( which we told the doctor about) so they had to inject her with the reverse overdose drug and blue lighted her to hospital, from then on we found out what was really wrong. She had lung cancer that had spread everywhere, all her major organs and her spine and bones. She came home to die on the 6th of June and two weeks later she died, on the 20th June.

    It's been such a horrible time, and for someone that was so healthy, we use to walk my dog 10 miles a day and she was still working partime upto April aswell. So she never had time to retire with my dad they had so many plans once she was 75, but that never happened. Now it's just my dad in a big house on his own, I am trying to juggle my family life and help my dad aswell, he is lost without her, and to be honest I haven't had time to greive and I know it's going to hit me at some point.

  • Offline in reply to Jmvk

    I am so sorry for your loss . Im nearly 5 months without my mum who died to suddenly and she was so fit and healthy. I am really struggling to process it all

  • Hey, sorry it's been a month since I was on here, thank you for your response and I am so sorry your mum is going through this too. Hugs to you as well as it's a sad and traumatic journey for you all. How is your mum now? I pray she's still with you. 

    Lots of love and strength.  Xxx

  • Jmvk, I am so so sorry about your mum. Doctors missing things and misdiagnosis seems such a familiar thing nowadays. The shock when we are told the true cause of any pain, that it's cancer and terminal,  is the most terrifying feeling in the world. My heart goes out to you and your dad who have been left without her  

    It's been 5 months now since my mum passed away now and, it actually feels harder the longer time has gone on. 

    Sending hugs and I hope you get time to greive soon. Xx

  • J.e.m I'm sorry I've not been on here and replied sooner. I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum, it's 5 months now for me as well. I think for me, this past week has taken me into a dark space as I've been unwell and we all want to speak to our mums when we're poorly, whatever our age! It's the reality slap that happens now and again that's the worst. 

    Sending you love and strength.  The only way is through it. Xx

  • I am the same as you! 5 months on and I’m struggling so so so much

  • Hi Shell, I'm so sorry about your uncle. I am also very sorry to read about your own diagnosis.  Bless you, you've been through so much. 

    How are you at the moment? I hope you have received some positive news re, containment and treatment? 

    Xx