Losing my darling wife to secondary breast cancer

Hi - I lost my darling wife to secondary breast cancer in January - we were married for 24 years and have 2 fantastic children - 18 and 16 and 1st year university and school respectively. It’s all very raw and I have a whirlwind of emotions - trying to stay strong for the children and becoming mum as well - my god what a job she did for us as a family and it’s now really hitting home that’s she isn’t here and it now becoming very daunting and I feel very lonely  and worried about the future without her. There is no right or wrong way to deal with this and I have lots of friends and family who are around and have been fantastic but I am posting this to see if there are others in my situation who might give me advice or solace outwith the friends and family circle and provide their perspective- I’m the sort of person who likes to talk so if there are  kindred spirits out there who want to reach out and share experiences then I am all ears. I’m starting a  journey and I’ll be keen to hear from other good souls who have been  where I am at just now - Thankyou 

  • Hello Ian., 

    I am so sorry for your loss. 24 years married and 2 young children I can imagine it is really hard for you to cope and to adjust to this new normal you never wished for. It's  bound to still feel very raw and it is completely understandable that you will be going through, as you described so accurately, a whirlwind of emotions. Our page on Coping with grief explains really well the range of overwhelming feelings you can experience after losing a loved one. You are spot on when you say there is no right or wrong way to deal with this - you have to do what works best for you. The support of good friends and family is invaluable in times like this and you seem to be surrounded by lovely people and it's good you are the sort of person who likes to chat - talking things through with them can help you feel a little bit better. It's great that you are not alone and have a great support network around you. 

    But there is a different kind of support you can get which is also precious and it's the advice and solace you will get from talking to others on Cancer Chat. Many of our forum members will have been in your position before or they are also currently also grieving the loss of a partner or loved one and they will know, often better than your closest friends, how you feel and what you are going through. You will find many kindred spirits here and I hope that you will be able to comfort one another during these difficult times. 

    We're thinking of you Ian during this difficult time and I will now let others come forward and say hello and share their story with you. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • I'm very sorry for your loss and hope that you find the strength to feel better about things. I'm sure your wife will be so proud of how good a dad you're being for your children. Thoughts are with you , mate. 

  • Offline in reply to Jd1991

    Thanks for your response. I’ve just read your own post  and I am so sorry for your loss - the last 3/4 days have been really tough - I had caught up with quite a few of our friends over the bank holiday and whilst it was so nice to see people it’s really hitting  home now that she’s gone and I’ve shed some serious tears - my friends getting emotional too about the whole thing. I guess this must be entering the proper grieving stage and I think I will take some counselling - lots of people saying I should as it helps talking to someone independent and qualified - all the best to you 

  • Offline in reply to Ian.

    I hope your days are getting better than they were for the last few days. It's important to get those tears out I've heard aswell. Yesterday was the first day that tears didn't come and had the worst guilt ever about it. (And if by magic just writing this out has brought the tears on ) 

    Hope you get on alright with the counselling and it helps. I'm not sure what route In Going to take in regards to counseling or anything. If you do go through it and feel like sharing then you can let me know how you got on and if it's helping. All the best