Hello Kirsty2493 and a warm welcome to the forum, though so sorry to hear about your mum and how you are feeling, I lost my mum to cancer and she was my best friend too and like you it was the worst day of my life, so i understand what you are going through. Kirsty, delayed grief is not uncommon and there are things you can do to help you deal with it, be open with your emotions it is good for you to be emotional and trying to hold them in will only make things worse, talk about your mum with family and your mums friends and be kind to yourself and if you need processional help get it. It took me a few months to work through my grief and get on with my life which is what my mum would have wanted for me, and is what i want for my kids as my journey with terminal cancer will end soon, take care.

Eddie