3 weeks ago my Dad died aged nearly 90 following 8 months of a slow decline from cancer. The last 8 weeks before he passed he was in and out of being able to have full mental capacity, and often didn't truly know who I was. It's been a rollrcoaster of emotions, dealing with support services, hospitals and all. Watching my Dad lose who he was, and become a shadow of himself physically and mentally, be bedridden and having no quality of life has been the most painful experience. Now I'm not sure what I feel, sometimes numb, unmotivated, not caring about anything, isolated, withdrawn and just going through the motions day by day. People will say this is grief, and it probably is, but my world has changed, nothing feels normal and never will again. I won't get over this and time won't heal, so don't tell me that. I don't want to see a doctor and be given medication. I don't want to do anything and I don't care. I don't see the point anymore and I don't want to keep feeling like this for however long I have left. I know this is my new normal now and I will live it alone, my door is shut. Not even sure why I'm messaging here because I know there is literally nothing anyone can say that will make any difference at all. Think I just wanted to get out of my head how I'm feeling. Life has no joy for me now and never will again, and I'm not even going to try.