My Dad died

3 weeks ago my Dad died aged nearly 90 following 8 months of a slow decline from cancer. The last 8 weeks before he passed he was in and out of being able to have full mental capacity, and often didn't truly know who I was. It's been a rollrcoaster of emotions, dealing with support services, hospitals and all. Watching my Dad lose who he was, and become a shadow of himself physically and mentally, be bedridden and having no quality of life has been the most painful experience. Now I'm not sure what I feel, sometimes numb, unmotivated, not caring about anything, isolated, withdrawn and just going through the motions day by day. People will say this is grief, and it probably is, but my world has changed, nothing feels normal and never will again. I won't get over this and time won't heal, so don't tell me that. I don't want to see a doctor and be given medication. I don't want to do anything and I don't care. I don't see the point anymore and I don't want to keep feeling like this for however long I have left. I know this is my new normal now and I will live it alone, my door is shut. Not even sure why I'm messaging here because I know there is literally nothing anyone can say that will make any difference at all. Think I just wanted to get out of my head how I'm feeling. Life has no joy for me now and never will again, and I'm not even going to try. 

  • I'm so sorry for your loss, I haven't been there & can't even imagine what you are going through.  Please phone and speak to a grief counsellor, someone who knows what your going through.

    Mcmillion do a grief line - sorry will have to google the number 

  • Hello Nicola,

    I just thought I’d message as I lost my mum 3 weeks ago to aggressive cancer after her only being diagnosed 3 months ago. I’m 33 and she was 59. Lots of failures from doctors, failures at the hospital (amongst great care too), funeral is in a week, everything is so so much - but I wanted to just say I understand exactly everything you said in your post - I have had moments of feeling the same, I’m typing this still in my dressing gown having done nothing all day, I can’t actually imagine next week let alone my whole future now Mum isn’t here.

    I’m very sorry for you losing a parent, and it’s hard as not everybody has gone through this yet. I don’t want to give any advice because I have no idea what I’m doing either. I guess I wanted you to have something to read (or get in touch if you’d like) as I’m equally already tired of people asking how I am after such an awful thing and trying to give advice/telling me about how to be or feel

    I don’t know how to end this without it sounding cliche/frustrating to read, so I’ll just leave it like this x