Hi Kiki

The way you lost your Mum was sudden and undoubtedly very traumatic with no real preparation time to get used to the idea of her not being around. I don't think the shock ever goes completely and to happen during the pandemic when everyone's lives were in turmoil must have been very hard. Did you seek any grief counselling afterwards or is this something you would consider now?

I lost my Mum to ovarian cancer in 2018, the first year was incredibly difficult but I kept going as I became a carer to my grandmother who survived Mum by another 3 years which took up my attention and focus. Sadly we lost her 18 months ago and the last year has been the worst, I think due to compounded grieving. I sympathise with you as I too feel anxiety and loss of direction and I think my circle of friends have diminished as they too experience the loss of parents, jobs, divorce etc. I also put a lot of my low mood down to menopause and losing my job, just bad timing for major life events.

Ultimately I have concluded that you need a channel for your love and purpose in life, I know that sounds cliched but it's true. Do your best to honour your Mum's memory by finding a new project - anything will do, you can always switch and change if need be. Can you make yourself the anchor for something or someone else? I don't know if you work or not but there are organisations looking for volunteers to act as Befrienders for others who are in need of assistance or to assist with community activities. Find something that sparks a bit of interest and make an effort to go out and seek new experiences, learn new hobbies and create friends along the way, being prepared to not always get it right first time. You will be surprised at how many people doing this do so because they are in the same situation as yourself. Do you have small children around? I found that through working with children they made me smile again whereas working with the elderly with health problems triggered more traumatic memories. 

I would look at maintaining a good diet, regular exercise and have a chat with your GP if you feel your hormones are involved then start to build a new life with all the experience you learnt from your Mum and the confidence that she taught you when you were younger. You will be able to do this, I know it's not easy but you have to start somewhere and with practice it becomes more routine.

I wish you all the best in forging a way forward and always know you are not alone - there are lots of us, men, women and children, out here all making our way along in life without those who were so precious to us - start looking out for us when you feel all alone. x

Hi Kiki

The way you lost your Mum was sudden and undoubtedly very traumatic with no real preparation time to get used to the idea of her not being around. I don't think the shock ever goes completely and to happen during the pandemic when everyone's lives were in turmoil must have been very hard. Did you seek any grief counselling afterwards or is this something you would consider now?

I lost my Mum to ovarian cancer in 2018, the first year was incredibly difficult but I kept going as I became a carer to my grandmother who survived Mum by another 3 years which took up my attention and focus. Sadly we lost her 18 months ago and the last year has been the worst, I think due to compounded grieving. I sympathise with you as I too feel anxiety and loss of direction and I think my circle of friends have diminished as they too experience the loss of parents, jobs, divorce etc. I also put a lot of my low mood down to menopause and losing my job, just bad timing for major life events.

Ultimately I have concluded that you need a channel for your love and purpose in life, I know that sounds cliched but it's true. Do your best to honour your Mum's memory by finding a new project - anything will do, you can always switch and change if need be. Can you make yourself the anchor for something or someone else? I don't know if you work or not but there are organisations looking for volunteers to act as Befrienders for others who are in need of assistance or to assist with community activities. Find something that sparks a bit of interest and make an effort to go out and seek new experiences, learn new hobbies and create friends along the way, being prepared to not always get it right first time. You will be surprised at how many people doing this do so because they are in the same situation as yourself. Do you have small children around? I found that through working with children they made me smile again whereas working with the elderly with health problems triggered more traumatic memories. 

I would look at maintaining a good diet, regular exercise and have a chat with your GP if you feel your hormones are involved then start to build a new life with all the experience you learnt from your Mum and the confidence that she taught you when you were younger. You will be able to do this, I know it's not easy but you have to start somewhere and with practice it becomes more routine.

I wish you all the best in forging a way forward and always know you are not alone - there are lots of us, men, women and children, out here all making our way along in life without those who were so precious to us - start looking out for us when you feel all alone. x