Hello Sarah and welcome to the forum. 

I'm so very sorry to hear that you lost your Mum in January last year. It's understandable that you're experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions right now. 

Grief is a natural process but it can be devastating. often people will find that feelings come close to the surface again as they approach the first anniversary of a loved one's death. Have you thought about if, or how, you want to mark the occasion? Have you made plans to spend the day in a particular way? It may be that there's a particular place you'd like to visit or something you would like to do to help you through the day. 

I don't know if you've had any bereavement support Sarah but this may be something else that you'd like to think about. If so I'd suggest having a look at the website for a charity called Cruse. They offer a variety of bereavement support services that you may find helpful at this time. 

Keep in touch over the coming days Sarah. Let us know how you're coping and we'll do our best to support you. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator