Nightmares starting over a year after my mom passed

Hi all,

My mom was diagnosed with cancer in 2016 and passed away in September 2022. I have BPD, anxiety, and depression so I certainly didn't cope when she first passed. I had a massive breakdown and was having frequent hallucinations/flashbacks that I still struggle with, but have learned to cope with. I'm also with my local community mental health team and have a great support system so I'm definitely looked after. 

However, last week I had a nightmare about my mom dying and I had another last night. They were the most vivid, horrific nightmares I have ever had and they were about how she went delusional and acted similar to a dementia patient towards the very end as the cancer had gone to her brain. That period of my life is one that I can't speak about out loud as it causes me to have flashbacks but I've never had nightmares about it before. It's been over a year and I'm so confused as to why they've started now.

At first, I thought it had to do with the guilt I felt, but then I had a thought that she was making these nightmares happen because she's angry at me. I haven't 'felt' her presence in a while and it's really getting to me. I'm scared that she's punishing me for not being there for my sister enough, and that's such a horrible mindset to have but I can't seem to rationalise it. I'm too scared to sleep at the moment because I can't bear the thought of waking up sweating from another mom nightmare. My mental health has been dipping anyway due to it coming up to Christmas, so my sleep schedule has massively derailed, but this is making me not want to sleep at all.

Has anyone else randomly started having nightmares about their loved one passing?

  • Hi again,

    I replied to your other message before I read this one but I’m happy to repeat that you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. Sometimes our emotional and psychological response to bad news renders us unfit to be any practical use. However much we want to provide help and support.

    Please talk to your care team about your nightmares. I’m no expert, but I have heard that some drugs commonly used to treat BPD can trigger the most vivid nightmares. A change in your medication may well sort that out.


    Good luck
    Dave

  • Hiya Davek,

    Thank you so much for your kind words, I'm not on any medication at the moment which might be the problem haha! 

    I'm working closely with my team and they've done wonders for me, so hopefully they can wave their magic wand and help me with this problem too!

    Thanks again, take care :))