My mum passed away and we were on bad terms Don't spk to the Rest of the family.

My mum passed away, I told her something quite upsetting  couple yrs ago which i shouldn't have l should of kept to myself but it was drink and it all got out of hand. I know now that at the time I ha d an illness and I am now a recovering Alcholic clean. But the worst part about this is that other family members got involved and were very abusive to me and made up stories too about my dead father who I loved with all my heart just as much as I loved my mother. I found out 3 months ago from a txt that she had terminal cancer when I was on a course at work then blocked I was in shock upset crying   everything.i sent her a bouquet of flowers and wrote a letter I also must inform youse that durin the 2yr break i aslo sent flowers cards for birthdays but the damage was done  .I believe everything could of been sorted if we were just alone. I just really don't know what to feel anymore I'm lost scared sad I don't know if I want go to funeral as I really don't want to see the other members of family of what damage they did to mines mums relationship is it bad not to attend but go myself to my respects to mum I really don't want any animosity or drama I just want her layed to rest with dad.sad hurting grief lonely worthlessness alone scared.

  • Hi Maddon1,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm very sorry to hear of your loss and I want to pass on our condolences. I hope you are getting on OK; I'm sure this must be an incredibly difficult time.

    It sounds like a tough situation with your family and I can understand you seeking advice from others about this. It is difficult to advise on whether you should attend - have a think about whether not attending is something you would regret or not.

    Whatever happens, you will be able to pay your respects and remember her in your own way.

    Hopefully other members of our forum will be along soon to offer any further thoughts - my reply here will boost your post so a few more people should see it.

    Keep looking after yourself among everything going on, and we're always here if you need it.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi Maddon1, 

    I hope you don't mind me posting, but I just wanted to check in on you.

    I'm not sure if your mum's funeral has happened yet, but if it has I hope you were able to figure out what to do and were able to say goodbye to your mum the way you wanted to.

    The grief that comes with losing a loved one will bring about so many thoughts and feelings, just like the ones you mentioned in your post, but I hope you can take some comfort from knowing that we are here for you Maddon and are sending all our strength and support your way.

    If you feel it may help to talk to someone then don't hesitate to reach out to your GP, as they will do all they can to help you during this very challenging time. Samaritans are also available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 116 123. They listen without judgement and will do all they can to support you.

    If you haven't done so already, you can seek out bereavement counselling and support from charities such as Cruse Bereavement Care and Sue Ryder, the latter of which has an online forum just like this one where you can speak to others who are also grieving and will understand what you are going through right now.

    Finally, the mental health charity Mind offer a free 6 week self help programme for anyone who is struggling or going through a difficult period in their life. If you feel this is something that may help, you can find out more just here.

    I know nothing I can say or do will take away the pain, but if you can, be kind to yourself Maddon and try to take things one day at a time. 

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator