Hello micken, 

I am so sorry about your loss. You were so young when he passed away and it's sad that he left at a time when you were not in a good place mentally. 4 years have passed now and it's normal to think back about these important milestones you couldn't share with your dad, your first girlfriend, your first job, finishing college, learning to drive. Your dad would no doubt be very proud of you and what you have achieved. The grieving process can be overwhelming and we can sometimes get a little impatient with ourselves but the truth is grief is very personal and there is no right or wrong way to grieve nor is there a timeframe. It is also a process through which we look back and sometimes discover important things about our feelings as you rightly pointed out. Our page on Coping with Grief highlights the different stages of grieving you might go through and some of the intense emotions you might feel. 

It can indeed feel really unfair to have lost a parent when you were so young and to feel a bit lost as a result but I wanted you to know that you are not alone; so many members of our forum have been through this too and will be able to relate to how you are feeling. I hope that they will be along shortly to share their story with you. It does help to talk to others who are or have been in a similar boat. I hope you won't mind but I have edited the title of your post slightly so that it can be spotted by others who have also sadly lost a parent to cancer. 

We're thinking of you during this difficult time, micken and the forum is always here for you anytime you need to talk. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator