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Am I weird?

Kher23
Offline

Hi. We lost my mum on the 1st sep from metastatic renal cell carcinoma. She was only diagnosed 7 weeks prior to her passing. In the last 3 weeks of her life it spread like wildfire to her whole body. When she passed I cried for about 10 minutes and then nothing till her funeral last week. I’m not great at funeral anyway but I just feel numb. Am I weird for not crying and showing more emotion. My mum was my best friend and I feel annoyed at myself for being less emotional. I just feel like it was such a short period of time and I don’t know how to feel. 

  • Offline

    Hi,

    I’m really sorry for your loss- losing parents is so hard. It sounds as though everything happened so quickly with your mum, and it must have been a real shock for all of you. 
    We all deal with stressful and emotional situations in different ways- there’s no ‘right’ way to grieve. With both of my parents I dealt with it by throwing myself into work- I probably didn’t really let myself grieve properly, but that was my coping mechanism. I’m not sure I would have felt any better if I’d have cried all the time. 

    I hope you will be able to treat yourself with kindness- you don’t need to give yourself a hard time over this.

    much love xx

  • Online

    Hi Kher,

    A very warm welcome to our forum..

    My sincere sympathy on the loss of your mum. I don't know what your personal circumstances are, but we all react differently to grief. Did you perhaps feel that you had to be the strong one in the family, to support your mum at the end and then to get through the funeral? You are not at all weird for being less emotional. In the 7 weeks that your mum was ill, you had already started the grieving process. I lost my own mum after a 12 year battle with cancer and my father-in-law only 5 days after his diagnosis. On both occasions, although sad to see them pass, I was relieved that neither of them were suffering any longer.

    Your mum's passing is still very recent and you may yet find yourself crying again. There is no set way to grieve, just go with your gut reaction. Take things one day at a time. It is now 26 years since I lost my mum, I miss her every day, yet I still hold her in my heart and always will - I'm sure that you will do the same with your mum.

    It often helps to be able to talk about a loved one with family and friends and to recall happier memories. Do you have someone who you can share your feelings with? My thoughts are with you and we are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Hiya thanks for the reply. Yes I had to carry it all. I forgot to mention. My brother is autistic and we lost our dad 6 years ago so it is just me. 

  • Online in reply to Kher23

    Hi Kher,

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad too. Our situations were very similar. I was looking after my brother, who had mental health issues at the time of my mum's passing. My other 2 brothers did nothing throughout her illness, or after and I felt that I just had to keep everything going. I found it helpful to keep one of my favourite photos of mum in a prominent position and I often found myself speaking to this as I passed. I did eventually shed my tears, but this was in private. Have you considered seeing a counsellor at one of the cancer charities? Some people find this helpful.

    I'm always here, if you want to chat.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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