Help coping with a loss and worrying about mum

Hi sorry this is all new to me my dad was a fit active man who only retired last year we noticed weight loss on him and was going back and forth to the gp from January they didn’t lisen and was not concerned in may this year dad had a sore back again back and forth to the gp to be giving tablets etc nothing worked but the doctors was not concerned they said it was due to age fast forward we finally got him into hospital the end of July to find out it wasn’t just a sore back it was cancer and unfortunately this had spread to his lungs liver back etc the week before this he was actually at the seaside with mum looking to buy the holiday home to start there retirement unfortunately the hospital said there was nothing that could be done for dad after a two week stay and managed to get him home by this point he was paralysed from the weight downwards he lasted 2 weeks at home and died this was a big shock to us all because everything happened so quickly I am traumatised my heart breaks for my children and my mum 

mum cannot stay in the house on her own because she has flash backs she Manages to be there threw out the day but then can’t so she currently stays with me my children are broken as dad was like there second dad and done everything for them I feel like I do not have time to grieve because I’m looking after mum and also my children because everything is so broken I’m young myself only 34 I haven’t been back to work since this happened because I can’t bring myself to leave my mum she dosnt drive she only retired last year and is now talking about finding a job herself what I do think will help her she had no family hear apart from us how do people cope with the loss of her dad but trying to be strong for there mum and there own children and how do u get into routine with having mum move in any help appreciated thank you 

  • Also to add mum and dad was childhood sweethearts they have been together 50 years 

  • I’m so sorry to read your post, you must be reeling with the shock of it all . First of all , I would advise not to rush into any decisions about your mum moving in , let things settle first and try and get your head around what’s happened . Maggie’s are very good to talk to , or any of the cancer charities .As for your mum finding a job , maybe she could help in a charity shop for a few hours?? She would be kept busy , make friends and have company too ? Sending a big hug xx

  • Thank you for the reply she has considered some charity’s shops to but if I’m honest I think the job will help as she only gets a little amount of pension still waiting for any benifits to be sorted out it’s been complete shock I feel so hurt but also so angry because I tried to get dad the help watching him in pain and no doctors would lisen to me until it was to late I do have two older siblings I’m the youngest and if I’m honest they haven’t been much support or help they live miles away I had to do everything from registering the death to planning a funeral and calling people to let them no dad has passed I still havent managed to call them all mum did try to help but she’s broken my siblings was quick at saying what they wanted but wasn’t there to help plan or support I’m so angry with them both they haven’t checked in on us to see how we are and they no I have a full time job a husband (he’s been great and very supporter of mum and also two children and my mum to care for I’m not sure when or how I will get the chance to grieve or for it to even seem real that my dads never coming home