I am a 52 year old gay male, and my parter  passed away a few months ago from Colon cancer, we were together 19 years ,my partner was ill for many many years with multiple other illnesses.

He was HIV. positive for 23 years, had kidney failure and was on dialysis  for 9 years ,had a transplant that failed, and unfortunately I believe  the anti rejection meds from the transplant ultimately caused cancer ,which ultimately was the cause of his passing.   I was his primary carer it was a full time job for the last few years ,he was my entire world. he was and is the love of  my life and I so thankful I got to spend  time with him ,

I don't expect anyone to  " understand" as I think unless you have gone thu Cancer or being a caregiver ,this you cant fully understand, but I would love to be able to find any  support or a peer group of individuals  that have been  a caregiver and  lost  the loves of there life  ,

I am struggling to find  support,I feel we as widows are forgotten and ,I have researched so much on line ,on on face value it seems there is so much support, but the unfortunate reality  most organization ive  spoke to  put 99 percent of  time and emphasis and resources  is put into the new diagnosis/ and helping  people cope while  living in or with it,  but there seems very very little to  support for us widows who have carried this cross and been in the trenches for years  fighting these wars ,once our loved one dies.

"I find it ironic that  organizations  love to use the word fight attached   " fighting" cancer " fighting HIV , :fighting" homophobia, like its a war, an enemy that we are battling. But military or navy organizations that truly  go to" war"support equally  those in it . going thu it, as well as offering amazing support and recognition for those veterans that battled  and particpated on the front line in these wars  for years,

 I feel I /we and /our front line  contribution /are forgotten and overlooked ,once the person is passed away? 

maybe I am wrong ? but I cant seem see any support out there if anyone knows of anything please let me know 

thankyou.