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How do you cope after losing your mum?

HoneyBee99
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On the 25th of December 2022 my mum unfortunately passed away at 44 after a long battle with cancer. My mum fought as hard as she could from day one but sadly we are now without her. She was diagnosed 31st of July 2020 with cervical cancer. There was a glimmer of hope when mum was finally able to go forward with the long-awaited immunotherapy treatment we had hoped for so long as no other treatments were working. This was a trial treatment and she had been told for months that it kept getting pushed back and we didn't know if she would even be accepted for it at all. If she did, it wouldn't cure her but she could have another 2 years with us all. She wanted this so bad. And on the 23rd of December 2022, she finally got to have the treatment.Unfortunately the following day, her condition became worse and despite her battling we lost her Christmas morning…
The world feels so empty and dark right now. It's hard to understand why this had to happen and I just feel so lost without my mum she was my best friend my everything. I’m 23 and feel like nothing will ever be good anymore. Everything makes me think of my mum and how she’s not here anymore. I dread the day I’ll get exciting milestones like a proposal, wedding, kids and anything around those lines as she won’t be by my side to see.
Does it get better?

To make things worse I don’t feel like I have grieved the loss of my mum. Yes I get upset every now and then but it just doesn’t feel real. Like I think I’m just gonna wake up and give my mum a call and tell her about this crazy nightmare. I don’t feel like I can talk to anybody anymore… 

  • Hi Honeybee99, 

    I just wanted to offer you a very warm welcome to Cancer Chat as well as my deepest and heartfelt sympathies for your loss. Your mum fought so bravely for so long and I'm so sorry to hear her treatment kept getting pushed back. This must have been so difficult for you all.

    So many of our members know just how challenging coping with grief can be, so I hope you can take some comfort from knowing that you are not alone, and I'm sure it won't be long until our community reach out to you to offer their support and advice.

    I do hope sharing your thoughts and feelings with us has helped, but if you feel it may help to speak to someone about what you are going through then it may be worth getting in touch with bereavement charities such as Cruse Bereavement Care and Sue Ryder as they both offer support and counselling to anyone who is struggling with their grief and loss.

    Be kind to yourself Honeybee and even though it may not seem like it right now, there are better days ahead.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    I lost my mum when i was 24 back in 2009.  She had breast cancer in 07 then remission 08 but returned/spread.  In Jan 09 she was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour which took her Nov09.  Tore my world apart and looking back now i don’t think i appreciated how the shock of it all hit as much as the devastation.  I kept quiet and wish i spoke to someone as it took me years to get over and my mental health to recover.  This might sound harsh but life does go on and if work on yourself and figure out how to grieve, you will get to a place when you can remember your mum and be happy.  I still have the odd teary moment when i think of my mum and what she’s missed out on but most of my memories of her now bring me happiness.  If you ever needing to chat to someone you can message on here if it helps.  

  • Offline in reply to stew85

    So sorry to hear about your mum. It does get a little easier. I lost my mum in 2005 to breast cancer. Her 2nd time. She was 59. For me I look at it as she isn’t suffering anymore. Gosh yea she is missed everyday. 
    thinking of you. ️ ️x

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    I also lost my Mum in December 2022. It still doesn't feel real.

    I think of her 10 thousand times a day. 

    I dont know how you cope, I just know that when 

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    When my Mum was given to me as my bestest ever friend it pushes me onwards.

    Sending you so much love, xxx

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