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I can’t bear the though of never seeing my dad again

RD
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My lovely dad died in November last year, most days I fill so I can't think about it but then there are days when it all floods back to me. Most people expect after a few months you've got over it but  life is now not the same. The pain I feel when I think of my dad is too much, it hurts so much, I miss him terribly. I see my mum most days, she keeps very busy to block the pain she feels too. I feel overwhelmed with grief this evening. 
Im considering counselling but not sure it will help as I just want my dad back and that's not going to happen. Feel so low but everyone thinks I'm ok. 
Thank you for reading this. 

  • I'm so sorry for your loss RD.

    I can see from your post how much you loved your dad and I can't begin to imagine how difficult life has been since he passed away but I really do hope you can take some strength, and comfort, from knowing you are not alone. 

    So many of our members have also gone through the pain and heartbreak the loss of a loved one brings so our community will really understand what you are feeling right now and I'm sure some of them will be along soon to offer their support and advice.

    You can also seek out support from bereavement charities such as Cruse Bereavement Support and Sue Ryder, the latter of which offers free short term support for anyone who is grieving and struggling with their loss.

    I know nothing I can say can make this very difficult time any better but we are here for you and will do all we can to help.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline

    my dad passed last september and theres not a min i dont think of him,its good to talk,heres something that was shared with me

    As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

    In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

    Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

    Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

  • Offline in reply to wezzer78

    Hi. I lost my dad to bowel cancer nearly 24 years ago. Wezzer78 has described the grief perfectly.

    I was pregnant when my dad died and thought I was drowning in pain. I thought I'd never feel sane again. I would just curl up on the bed sobbing for hours.

    I got through those terrifying, grim, sad days by accepting the pain and overwhelming emotions by feeling them till they passed...which they did.

    I didn't try to deny I was struggling; I talked about my dad whenever I needed to; I let go of anyone who couldn't accept my grief and wanted to hurry me out of it; I read lots about grief and went to counselling.

    None of this brought my dad back or lessen the grief, but it helped me -- as Wezzer78 states -- cope with my feelings, to find moments of peace and to allow myself joy in life again.

    Clichéd though it is...grief is a process. The love for my dad was so strong I learned to accept that my grief matched it. 

    You do learn to cope without your loved one, but you never let them go, they are with you whatever you do. Hold onto that.

    The pain does fade and you will resurface, for longer and longer periods. Life will go on, changed, but it will go on.

    Allow yourself as much time as you need to mourn, to cry, to feel insane...it is all normal.

    Counselling can help you process your feelings and I found it easier to talk at times to a professional who was not my family or friends. But that is a personal choice.

    It is 24 years in August since my dad died. I can be going about my life quite happily and then I will find an old photo of him or music will be on that was his favourite or I still dream of him.

    And I am a wreck again. 

    You only lost your dad 6 months ago...it is still so raw and new. My love to you at the start of this journey. Be assured you will survive being in the sea...even if it doesn't feel like it now x

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