Hi Madamejones

Sending you a big hug, I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. My dad passed away with Prostate Cancer last month, having been diagnosed at a later stage in 2021, it was only found due to a pain in his leg where it had spread, he had no prior symptoms we know of. He was on hormone injections and was "ok" until the last few months where he had been suffering more but been putting a brave face on I think, just like your Dad (that's how much our Dads love us). 
He was mostly at home, but in hospital for his last week where in the final few days he had a syringe driver and was hardly awake so I know this feeling. The syringe driver will have been managing the pain so whilst your Dad will have been sleepy he wouldn't have been feeling intense pain in those 48 hours.
I can't say I've stopped being upset as it still very raw for me, or that I don't see him in hospital at all from time to time in my head but this has lessened. I read messages from him and can hear his voice in them and my Dad was a musician so I hear some recordings of him and I have photos on my fridge so I see his smile when I wake up. I wear the jewelry he chose for me. It's bittersweet but it all reminds me of who he was before the illness, as the illness was not him and I want to remember him for him. It takes time but I think you will in time do this too. I'm sure you have so many memories of him, talk about those with those you love whilst you plan the service if you can but be kind yourself and go at your pace. Xx

Hi Madamejones

Sending you a big hug, I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. My dad passed away with Prostate Cancer last month, having been diagnosed at a later stage in 2021, it was only found due to a pain in his leg where it had spread, he had no prior symptoms we know of. He was on hormone injections and was "ok" until the last few months where he had been suffering more but been putting a brave face on I think, just like your Dad (that's how much our Dads love us). 
He was mostly at home, but in hospital for his last week where in the final few days he had a syringe driver and was hardly awake so I know this feeling. The syringe driver will have been managing the pain so whilst your Dad will have been sleepy he wouldn't have been feeling intense pain in those 48 hours.
I can't say I've stopped being upset as it still very raw for me, or that I don't see him in hospital at all from time to time in my head but this has lessened. I read messages from him and can hear his voice in them and my Dad was a musician so I hear some recordings of him and I have photos on my fridge so I see his smile when I wake up. I wear the jewelry he chose for me. It's bittersweet but it all reminds me of who he was before the illness, as the illness was not him and I want to remember him for him. It takes time but I think you will in time do this too. I'm sure you have so many memories of him, talk about those with those you love whilst you plan the service if you can but be kind yourself and go at your pace. Xx