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My husband

sarahdshade27
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My beautiful, wonderful husband was diagnosed with grade 4 glioblastoma multiforma (brain tumours)  in 2019 and he died in 2020.  I still can't get my head around it it is nearly 3 years, but I will never ever move on from the pain he suffered losing everything... he was a jeweller and designer and he lost his sight..  I loved him with all my heart and didn't think he would die.  He was a beautiful, lovely man.  He was young and sporty, didn't drink or smoke.  I looked after him at home the whole time and watched him lose everything.   I couldn't care less now... I drink and smoke ...what difference does it make?  You die anyway.  So, so, sad.  I need him here so much I have lost my husband, my mom, my dad, my best friend.  This is what he was to me...he looked after me and treated me like a princess.  I have spent 2 years after he died just sitting at the kitchen table.  It will be 3 years in June and I just want my beautiful husband back....

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    I'm sorry you feel so bad.  I don't think your husband would want you to give up on life like this.  The first few years are hard, though I think I started coming to terms with losing my husband to cancer during the third year.  Ten years for me now, and though I feel a bit sad today, most of the time I get on with life.  Starting voluntary work helped me a bit in the early days.  Spending time with other people is the best way to learn to live with your loss.

  • Offline in reply to Lizziebeth66

    Thank you for taking the time to answer me.  It's not been 3 years, it will be 3 years in June,  He was everything to me.  My family are wonderful, but I still need him here.  I am so sad for your loss.  I feel like I will never come to terms with it he has been with me since I was 17 and I love him so much.

     

  • Offline in reply to sarahdshade27

    I'm not sure we ever really come to terms with it, but we slowly create a different sort of life - maybe not as good but bearable and which sometimes feels worthwhile.  An online group helped me a bit (WayUp for my age group, in my 50s at the time, but there's also a group for younger people, Way).  There were meetups in real life too.  Some of the people were very trapped in their grief, admittedly, but others were trying really hard to move on with life and find some new purpose and friendship.  Maybe clutching at straws but every little thing is worth trying to feel a little better than you do right now.

  • Offline in reply to Lizziebeth66

    The thing is ... I don't want to feel better... as I can't let him go...I want him back we were together since we were children.  Thank you for your email xxxx

     

  • Offline in reply to sarahdshade27

    Hi, sorry if you're getting emails - must be the way this forum is set up.  I must admit I'm confused at the idea of not wanting to feel better.  I guess it's the feeling that this unhappiness is the last connection with your dead husband.  I wish you all the best for the future, however you choose to deal with your grief.

  • Offline in reply to Lizziebeth66

    Hi, I think not wanting to feel better makes me feel he is still an important part of my life.  Thank you for taking the time to talk to me and I wish you all the best for the future too.

  • Offline in reply to sarahdshade27

    Being trapped in grief can happen. But it can be a normal process as well, even if it takes a long time. And sometimes its hard to tell the difference, even if you an expert.  I can only wish you the very best for the future, and hope your pain gradually becomes less intense. x Harry

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