I'm sorry you feel so bad.  I don't think your husband would want you to give up on life like this.  The first few years are hard, though I think I started coming to terms with losing my husband to cancer during the third year.  Ten years for me now, and though I feel a bit sad today, most of the time I get on with life.  Starting voluntary work helped me a bit in the early days.  Spending time with other people is the best way to learn to live with your loss.

I'm not sure we ever really come to terms with it, but we slowly create a different sort of life - maybe not as good but bearable and which sometimes feels worthwhile.  An online group helped me a bit (WayUp for my age group, in my 50s at the time, but there's also a group for younger people, Way).  There were meetups in real life too.  Some of the people were very trapped in their grief, admittedly, but others were trying really hard to move on with life and find some new purpose and friendship.  Maybe clutching at straws but every little thing is worth trying to feel a little better than you do right now.

The thing is ... I don't want to feel better... as I can't let him go...I want him back we were together since we were children.  Thank you for your email xxxx

Hi, sorry if you're getting emails - must be the way this forum is set up.  I must admit I'm confused at the idea of not wanting to feel better.  I guess it's the feeling that this unhappiness is the last connection with your dead husband.  I wish you all the best for the future, however you choose to deal with your grief.

Hi, I think not wanting to feel better makes me feel he is still an important part of my life.  Thank you for taking the time to talk to me and I wish you all the best for the future too.

Being trapped in grief can happen. But it can be a normal process as well, even if it takes a long time. And sometimes its hard to tell the difference, even if you an expert.  I can only wish you the very best for the future, and hope your pain gradually becomes less intense. x Harry