Welcome to Cancer Chat, Southwestgirl although I'm sorry to hear about the reason that brings you here.

Losing a loved one is never easy, the grieving process is different for everyone but one thing we advise people who come here after losing those they love is to take one step at a time and look after themselves while they navigate this difficult period in their lives. We have some information here about coping with grief and hopefully, it will help you to come to terms with your loss.

Thinking of you,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello,

I am so very sorry to read about your Dear Dad passing away last month, and you have just had his funeral on Tuesday. You are in the earliest part of grief, I'm sure everything feels so very surreal to you at the moment amongst many, many other conflicting emotions.

My Mum (whom we lived with for the past 7 years and 10 years prior to this Mum and I worked together in my B&B and she for the majority of the time stayed with me) passed away May 2022 and Dad went into hospital suddenly in August, never came out and passed away November, his funeral was a few days before Christmas. I was my Mum's carer for 2.5 years too. Your absolutely right when you say about feeling made redundant from your favourite job, I feel exactly the same. Someone said to me recently "Oh now you don't have to care for your parents anymore you can start living your life with your partner' but I don't feel this, I was living my life caring for my Mum, in the most beautiful way. We were together all the time, precious moments and it was an absolute priviledge, now I feel lost and I'm guessing you must too.

Losing our loved ones do leave a gaping hole in our life. I am not yet 1 year after my Mum's passing and I still feel partly numb, more devastated with emotion now and I realise personally that I will carry grief with me all my life because my Mum was my whole life so it will never 'go away' but I think and hope in time I will accept it more and the vicious waves of heartbreak will be slightly less, I don't imagine ever completely gone and in a way nor do I wish them to be because I loved her with all my heart so that pain she isn't here won't ever completely go. Grief represents our love.

I think we all deal and feel differently with grief, so your Mum's feelings may not match yours exactly but she will of course be grieving in her way and feeling devastated too. I feel grief is a lobely journey because only we know how we feel and our thoughts in our minds, no one can remove our emotions and no one can magically make them go away. People do get on with their life, sadly once the funeral is over people slowly or suddenly stop asking how we feel which is ironic because I have found I need support much more now than ever before. I am so glad you have your amazing life and family because that will help you in the months ahead. Allow yourself to accept support and kindness. Grief is not something that can be fast forwarded, it can't be deleted and there are no short cuts. Take each day as it arrives, remember your Dad's wishes for you and try to keep going for your Dad as much for you as well. 

Take good care. 

CJ

Sorry bout ur dad hun my son passed on the 5/1/23 I know what ur feeling I'm trying to function but it's hard my thoughts are wit u