Losing Mum

Firstly, my sympathies and best wishes to everyone here who has been diagnosed with cancer or has a loved one dealing with it, or has lost someone.

My mum died 7 weeks ago from metastatic triple negative breast cancer - we only found out in Nov after the original breast tumour was removed successfully in 2020. I'm an only child with my Dad having dementia and all our relatives abroad. Fortunate to have some support from my friends and family friends in the first couple of weeks. Returned to work a few weeks ago and getting things done for me & Dad, but feeling so empty and alone. Mum was a huge part of my life - no 1 on my call list (im single with no kids) - and there's a huge void now. 

Appreciate it is the grieving process but feel like there's no one to talk to about her and she's becoming the past more quickly than I expected. Sounds really silly - I want to get through the pain and move forward but keep that bond alive and struggling with that right now 

  • Hi

    lm so sorry for your loss my husband died four months ago with a diagnosis that took him in 24days he was diagnosed with signet cell gastric adenocarcioma he had no symptoms just one he was off his food for about two to three weeks you never get over the shock when it takes them so suddenly grief is such a hard one and is a lonely road l hope you know your not alone and your mam lm sure is always by your side.Thinking of you today.

  • Hi Tanya,

    I'm very sorry for the loss of your mum.

    I lost my dad in November, 8 weeks after a cancer re-occurance. My dad had cancer in 2020 and we were told he was cured. He developed back pain in April and no one (including doctors) thought it was anything serious. In September after me asking him to get a scan we were told it was metestatic cancer in the bones. Dad deteriorated rapidly and my mum and I cared for him for the 8 weeks from diagnosis to him passing away. 

    My situation is similar to yours. I am single with no kids and my brother lives abroad. I have always been very independent and content but the big caveat being that my dad was my world and a huge part of my happiness. We are best friends (can't bring myself to say it in a past tense) and the void that dad has left is indescribable.

    People were initially supportive but now no one asks or mentions it (apart from a couple of friends). I haven't been able to go back to work yet and fortunate that I have been able to take a break to try and gather myself and to support my mum who has lost her husband of 50 years. 

    I feel very isolated and alone with my grief, my brother isn't grieving in the same way as he didn't have the very close bond that dad and I had. 

    I am keeping busy but I don't want to forget about my dad and want to talk about him.

    You are not alone. 

    X

  • I'm so sorry about your loss, Philadelphia. That was so quick, I can only hope he didn't suffer. Thank you for message - your words mean a lot. Wishing you lots of love and strength to keep on going and that you can eventually enjoy all the good memories that you had together 

     

  • I'm so so sorry about the loss of your Dad, Lulu86. I expect you are also dealing with the rollercoaster of those last few weeks too. I'm sure your Dad was so happy to have you by his side. It's so hard when someone you love dearly and is a huge part of your entire life is no longer there. I'm glad you have some space to grieve from work and also be there for your Mum. I appreciate having siblings doesn't always mean what an only child expects. I'm starting a journal to put down my thoughts and memories of Mum so I can have a place to talk and remember. Thank you so much for your message. Sending you lots of love and strength too

  • Hi Tanya, 

    I'm so sorry this has happened to you, and your mum. I can relate to what you've been through. 
    my mum was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer 2 months ago, it has now spread and is uncurable. Same as you, it's just me and mum. Mum is still here with me, but as you know, with metastatic TNBC the outlook is pretty ***- I'm currently trying to figure out how I'm going to cope without my best friend, and I'm experiencing anticipatory giref every moment of every day. 
     

    I know no one can make it better, but PLEASE message me and vent about anything you need to - it may help to be in touch with someone who is going through the same awful situation. 

    please take care of yourself.