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The new normal, worried about dad once I go back to work

MrsTP
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Hi all

Mum passed away 2 weeks ago after a four year fight with lymphoma, the end came a little soon than expected.

So now Dad and me are now to find a new normal. Mum and Dad we're a good partnership, they did everything together, one thing I know is Dad can look after himself. 

I'm due to return to work in a couple of weeks and I'm worried Dad will be used to me visiting every day.  I wish I didn't have to return to work, but I'm not in a position to give up work.  

I suppose what I am saying is how do I find the new normal; is a phone call twice a day and spending time together at least twice a week OK?

How do I broach the subject with Dad, he's on his own and trying to find him new normal.  I hate the thought of him sitting at home lonely and me stuck at work worrying about him.  He does have quite a lot of friends and to be truthful they have been very supportive, however Dad is worried that 4 of these friends are widdows and he'll be betraying Mum by socialising with them.

Any advise would be amazing. 

MrsPT

 

Parents

  • Hi MrsTP,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss - I can imagine this must be an incredibly difficult situation.

    It sounds like you are doing a lot in looking out for your Dad - I'm sure he appreciates this and also understands the position you are in with returning to work. If you haven't already, perhaps you can both have a chat to set some expectations with regards to contact, with some agreement to keep speaking to each other about how you're finding things and how it's working with the calls and visits. As I say, it sounds like he will understand and also appreciate your efforts in caring for him. It's good to hear too that he has some supportive friends around him so it is not all on you.

    Alongside all this do be sure to keep looking after yourself too. Try to focus on what you need to do at work without too much guilt or worries where possible - it is important that you find your new normal as well as the one with your Dad. Keep speaking to others for support - including us on here - where you can and where this is helpful.

    Take things a day at a time and hopefully you will be able to find some adjustment.

    We're always here for support if you need it, and hopefully you'll get some more replies here soon.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

Reply

  • Hi MrsTP,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss - I can imagine this must be an incredibly difficult situation.

    It sounds like you are doing a lot in looking out for your Dad - I'm sure he appreciates this and also understands the position you are in with returning to work. If you haven't already, perhaps you can both have a chat to set some expectations with regards to contact, with some agreement to keep speaking to each other about how you're finding things and how it's working with the calls and visits. As I say, it sounds like he will understand and also appreciate your efforts in caring for him. It's good to hear too that he has some supportive friends around him so it is not all on you.

    Alongside all this do be sure to keep looking after yourself too. Try to focus on what you need to do at work without too much guilt or worries where possible - it is important that you find your new normal as well as the one with your Dad. Keep speaking to others for support - including us on here - where you can and where this is helpful.

    Take things a day at a time and hopefully you will be able to find some adjustment.

    We're always here for support if you need it, and hopefully you'll get some more replies here soon.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

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