I know these feelings. Really well. Feel free to message me at any point xx

I just don't know how people get through this . it's like I want to fast forward time. 

Allow me to share a poem with you that some one shared with me. Apologies If you aren't into this kind of stuff but I related to it x

THE LOSS OF A FATHER

Is the anchor pulled from the seabed 
the steering wheel unhinged
the mast split by lightning 
and the bow broken by storm.

The ship that you sailed 
until now 
feels unsafe 
no longer weather-proof 
and without direction 
or brave heart 
to speed its way.

Perhaps you did not even know 
that he was your compass 
that you gazed upon his lead 
like a North-star in the night.

He gave you all of this 
you see 
without notice or congratulation 
diligently 
consistently
continuously guiding 
always showing the way 
in the way he knew how.

And whilst you are cast adrift
I know this to be true
you will anchor yourself once more my friend 
when you realise 
that his voice still speaks 
still guides 
still brings brave heart your way 
in the roughest of storms .

And the answers you seek 
he already planted deep 
within your heart 
for he knew one day 

you would need to sail alone.

So he buried little pieces of himself 
within your heart 
your mind 
your spirit 
and your soul 

little breadcrumbs of love 
to show the way 

forevermore.

Donna Ashworth
 

Awe Jo.  That is so meaningful and hopefully one day I will feel strength from my dad . Xx

Hi

yes it sounds similar I do you mind if l ask you what your dad diagnosis was as my husband was signet cell gastric cancerl have not came across anyone that has had it and it takes a person very quick when it is diagnosed my husband was stage 4 at diagnosis.Your so right it's the speed it takes your loved one in is very hard to grasp.Thinking of you l think you and l are coming from the same place.x

He was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer but it had spread to his liver and they also think stomach. They were shocked that he was a non smoker and non drinker because of how aggressive it was. We were also told it didn't present itself until it was 80% covering his oesophagus which is why he had no real symptoms. By the time of diagnosis it was too late and he didn't even get palliative chemo as it had literally griped hold of him xx 

Xxxx

That's so sad my husband only symptom was not eatin for 2 to three weeks it took them twevle days to find it and he died twevle days later he got one round of chemo it's so vicious when it just creeps up out of now where.

Just a little update from me. 
it was my beloved Dad's funeral yesterday. It was the most perfect send off for him and I honestly could not have wished for it to go any better. It broke my heart but I found the strength to read out a poem I'd written while sat by his bed at the hospice. The turn out was incredible. We had to have a TV And sound system outside. It just showed me how loved my Dad was by everyone who met him. I was so touched that these people wanted to pay their respects and say goodbye. 
 

also, I did decide to go to the chapel of rest. Single most hardest thing I've ever done. It didn't look like my Dad at all but he looked so peaceful and pain free. He looked so very smart too x  I'm glad I went however I did advise my Mum not too as I don't think she would have coped. 
 

I feel a sense of relief today. Like I know he is finally at rest and peace. The 4 week limbo I've felt I was in has left and for me it's confirmed that he's now free.xxx