Hi,

I am so truly sorry for the loss of your husband, 46 years of age.....its so young and although any age dying of cancer is heartbreaking and devastating to pass away at 46 is just so cruel. I can't imagine how you are coping with 2 young children to protect as well as yourself. 

All I can say to your post is yes there have been many people in my life that have ignored the death of both my parents in the last 6 months, they have walked passed me and barely acknowledged their deaths, its not only completely ignorant but also extremely unfeeling and hard-hearted. People make excuses such as "they find it uncomfortable", "they don't want to upset you by saying the wrong thing", "They don't know what to say to you" etc etc. Well I simply think what a load of rubbish! Saying anything is better than saying nothing, showing kindness takes zero effort on their part, handing you a bunch of flowers and giving you a hug without words is something, sending you a card and writing a note inside, there are so many ways to show support to someone who is going through the worse time of their life. There are no excuses for doing nothing. 

Your not vile, its simply they probably do feel uncomfortable but I don't think anyone should allow a feeling of this nature to allow themselves to offer no kindness or support to someone they know going through a loss of their loved one, especially when there are children involved, you need all the love and support in the world. People tend to put their own feelings before yours. They would rather pretend it hasn't happened, its easier for them to deal with. Some people also feel nervous around cancer and death, almost like its contagious, so they stay away. Humans can be such complex creatures.It baffles me though. 

Concentrate now on you and your children and the people that have been there for you. I know it sounds harsh but don't give head space to those that have let you down, you need to be focussed on you and your family, doing everything you can to care for yourselves right now. What you have been through is brutal, you need to retreat and give yourself time and self-care. I know its difficult, but I have had to squash down the feelings of anger towards some people, one being my sister (I say this word very loosely) after my Mum passed. I won't allow her to hurt me anymore with her behaviour, I need to process the loss of my parents and thinking of her just makes me so angry and I don't need those negative feelings right now, she and them are not worth our emotions.

I am glad you are recieving external support, and you have support from some members of your family. I sometimes think a life changing situation shows us who cares and who doesn't, it weeds out the ones that don't have our best interests at heart. Take good care of yourself and your children and know we are here for support too if you need to rant, talk, share anything, anytime.

Jane x

Hi,

I am so truly sorry for the loss of your husband, 46 years of age.....its so young and although any age dying of cancer is heartbreaking and devastating to pass away at 46 is just so cruel. I can't imagine how you are coping with 2 young children to protect as well as yourself. 

All I can say to your post is yes there have been many people in my life that have ignored the death of both my parents in the last 6 months, they have walked passed me and barely acknowledged their deaths, its not only completely ignorant but also extremely unfeeling and hard-hearted. People make excuses such as "they find it uncomfortable", "they don't want to upset you by saying the wrong thing", "They don't know what to say to you" etc etc. Well I simply think what a load of rubbish! Saying anything is better than saying nothing, showing kindness takes zero effort on their part, handing you a bunch of flowers and giving you a hug without words is something, sending you a card and writing a note inside, there are so many ways to show support to someone who is going through the worse time of their life. There are no excuses for doing nothing. 

Your not vile, its simply they probably do feel uncomfortable but I don't think anyone should allow a feeling of this nature to allow themselves to offer no kindness or support to someone they know going through a loss of their loved one, especially when there are children involved, you need all the love and support in the world. People tend to put their own feelings before yours. They would rather pretend it hasn't happened, its easier for them to deal with. Some people also feel nervous around cancer and death, almost like its contagious, so they stay away. Humans can be such complex creatures.It baffles me though. 

Concentrate now on you and your children and the people that have been there for you. I know it sounds harsh but don't give head space to those that have let you down, you need to be focussed on you and your family, doing everything you can to care for yourselves right now. What you have been through is brutal, you need to retreat and give yourself time and self-care. I know its difficult, but I have had to squash down the feelings of anger towards some people, one being my sister (I say this word very loosely) after my Mum passed. I won't allow her to hurt me anymore with her behaviour, I need to process the loss of my parents and thinking of her just makes me so angry and I don't need those negative feelings right now, she and them are not worth our emotions.

I am glad you are recieving external support, and you have support from some members of your family. I sometimes think a life changing situation shows us who cares and who doesn't, it weeds out the ones that don't have our best interests at heart. Take good care of yourself and your children and know we are here for support too if you need to rant, talk, share anything, anytime.

Jane x