A warm welcome to Cancer Chat Jenolserm! 

I am so sorry for your loss and I can imagine this festive period is a rather difficult time for you and I wanted you to know that you are not alone, that many other members of our community will understand what you are going through at the moment. 

Your little baby is probably keeping you busy and I hope that you are not feeling too tired and that he is bringing a lot of joy to your life in this difficult time. Your description of you writing to your dad on Messenger and sending him photos when you know he can't read your messages or see the photos is deeply moving and I am sure this is something many of our members who have lost a loved one have also done and which they will be able to relate to. 

It sounds like you have a lot of unanswered questions and it might do you some good to put all this in writing and write that letter to the hospital if you feel it would allow you to offload and put in words what is playing incessantly on your mind. Perhaps it would help you come to terms with what happened when your dad was in hospital. You can find a list of resources and organisations that can help you with this on this page such as the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS). 

Don't worry about offloading here - that's what we are here for and so many other members of our community will understand exactly how you are feeling at the moment and I hope that they will be along shortly and share their story with you. To make it easier for others to spot your thread, I have slightly edited the title to make it a little more specific so that others who are or have been in a similar place can find it more easily. 

Our website contains useful information on Coping With Grief which will explain in detail the complexity of the grieving cycle. I hope that this will help you realize that all these feelings and emotions are totally normal and to be expected sadly after losing a loved one so don't feel bad about it and you are certainly not letting your kids down. You are doing your very best and you have to much to juggle as a mum - you are doing a great job and your children I am sure appreciate everything you do for them. 

Have a lovely Christmas despite the sad circumstances. We are thinking of you today and I hope that you will get to talk to others here who are in a similar place at the moment. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Jenolserm,

I'm sorry for the loss of your Father.

I lost my dad in November, 8 weeks after a cancer diagnosis. My dad had cancer in 2020 and doctors thought he was recovered. He was fit and active but developed back pain in April, in September we found out it was advanced cancer which was devestating. 

I moved back in with my parents to provide support and to care for dad and i took a break from work. I also feel like my world has stopped and seeing everyone doing mundane everyday things feels maddening when I feel like I'm falling apart.

I too have unanswered questions about how doctors could tell us dad was cured but unknown to anyone he had meteststic cancer. The questions go round in a loop in my mind and add to the torment and anger I feel. 

My mum has lost her husband of 50 years, my nephew will never know his grandad and I have lost my dad who I adore. I miss him so much it is a constant ache and i go from sobbing to feeling so angry. 

It isn't fair. It is cruel and I think it is normal to feel these things. 

Sending love.

Xx

That's very similar to how I feel. Lost. my mum end of June. She spent her last 4 months living with me for end of life care. Can be okish then suddenly burst into tears or feel resentful when I see other people smiling out with their mums