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Worst heartbreak ever

heart.broken22
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I lost my my mum in October and I'm really struggling to cope. I had no time to process anything. She went in hospital with a seizure in July, we got a stage 4 diagnosis in August and a prognosis of just a few weeks. She ended up in a hospice in September and passed away at the beginning of October. It was just one thing after another and now it's finally hit me that she's no longer here. 
I'll never see her again 

I'll never talk to her again 

She will never be around again 

I need her here. I wish so hard everyday that this didn't happen. I'm still in disbelief and I hate the pain that I feel constantly every day. I cry every night. I don't want to be around people. My life has come to a stand still. I'm not interested in anything anymore and I just want nothing more than to be with her. Other people are moving on with their lives and can't comprehend how I'm feeling. I just want my mum.

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    Hi there 

    I lost my mum in September 2018 and my story is almost the exact same as yours. 

    I'm not sure how old you are, not that it matters but the hospise helped me cope with all the trauma. 

    Greif consumes your life, but your life is always able to grow. So if you think of it like this, greif never changes, but your life will grow around it. Take time to feel, but when you're ready, jump back into it. 

    I'd also recommend writing down every happy memory you have because one day they'll help you out. I wish I did it sooner rather than later.

    I'm sorry for your loss, just remember, when someone falls to cancer, the cancer dies too. It's not a loss its a draw. Your mum was strong and I know she will have passed that strength down to you!!! 

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    Hugs to you I do understand. I am angry at the world also people don't understand how a close relationship can actually 'be' your whole world.  Other people I just look at with no feeling or connection at the moment, talking about pointless things, I can't relate.  I too am just existing at the moment, I go home and watch YouTube, barely speak to anyone out loud.  I want it to be this way, I'm not faking anything at the moment.  

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    Hi there,

                   Let me start with sending you lots of love and strength. I too lost my Mum in October and feel exactly like you. I just can't comprehend it. My mum didn't have cancer she went to work and had a massive heart attack and didn't come home. I'm still living in a state of shock I think and the more days that pass the worse I feel knowing I'll never see her again and seeing my dad struggle on without her is a pain like no other. At least I have my 2 boys to keep my occupied but when I'm on my own that's when the tears start its awful. I really hope the saying is true that it gets easier because I can't see how. Lots of love sweetheart and RIP to your beautiful Mum x

  • Offline in reply to Themayor

    Hi, 

    Thank you very much! It definetly helps to talk to someone who has been through somthing similar. At first I was only remebering memories of when she was in the hospice really unwell but recently some good memories have been coming back and thankfully I have lots of pictures of her. Its getting hard now with Christmas coming soon so just trying to get throught this season

     

     

  • Offline in reply to Nettie82

    Hugs to you too! I know what you mean, your brain capacity just goes down and its hard to focus on things or people that arent helping. It can be lonely and isolating to be greiving because no one really knows how you are feeling inside unless they have been through something similar themselves. 

    Im struggling as well with feeling festive at the moment. I usually love Christmas but really not feeling it this year. 

  • Offline in reply to Hayleyp89

    Hi 

    So sorry for your loss. Nothing really prepares you for the loss of your mother, especially when its so sudden! Thanks for reaching out. It definetly helps to talk to someone who has been through something similar as I dont think people really understand what grief feels like on a daily basis x 

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