Health anxiety after losing my Mum

Hi,

I lost my beautiful Mum to cancer in September 2021. She was only 61 and was always so fit and healthy. She didn't have any symptoms except for a pain in her rib which got misdiagnosed by 2 GPs and a physiotherapist as a trapped nerve. The news that it had spread, and they could only prolong her life came as devastating news to us all. She lost her life 9 months after the diagnosis. When she passed, my second baby was only 4 months old. He and his older brother got me through the toughest of times. 

I have now convinced myself that I have cancer and that it is only a matter of time until I get a diagnosis. The longer time goes on, the more convinced I am becoming. I have been referred to the breast clinic twice for breast lumps which were all fine and I have also seen someone at the Drs for 2 lumps in my back which are supposedly fatty lumps. At first I am reassured by getting the all clear but as time goes on, the more I start to panic that they have misdiagnosed me and as I have had the lumps for months now, any cancer will have spread too far for any treatment. I also have an appointment tomorrow under the 2 week wait for a lump on my tonsil, however the GP says it looks fleshy and benign. 

 I know this all sounds very irrational and I am so grateful for what I do have. I know there are families going through so much more and it makes me feel so selfish for even thinking this. I just can't shake the feeling that cancer is just around the corner. With my Mum not even being given a chance for recovery, it all terrifies me. I am so scared of leaving my 2 babies. 

Is there anyone else that feels the same? How can I get past this? I'm scared to open up to the GP as I feel they will think I am crazy and also don't want it to have any impact of any further appointments. I just know I can't keep this to myself anymore which is why I posted here. 

Thank you.

  • I lost my mum 13 years ago to a similar situation . She was told she had IBS for 3 years and when they caught the cancer it was too late. She was only 47. 

    i was really anxious after this and had all sorts of symptoms and didn't trust drs opinions and went back for numerous appointments. 
     

    i struggled for a couple of years afterwards where it became my sole focus and it was all I thought about . 
     

    you need to take a step back and get the regular checks and shift your focus otherwise it will consume you to the point you make yourself unwell. 
     
    i got to a point where I just thought if I get ill, I'll deal with it then but if I keep doing what I was doing , I wasn't living anyway .

     

    you will get through this x

  • Gosh, I'm so sorry, 47 is so young as well!

    Thank you for replying, it's nice to know I'm not alone in how I'm feeling. You're right - worrying about something that may not even happen isn't living. I need to focus on the here and now and use all that energy on my family. I guess it's just not always as easy as that but it is something I can work on though. My appointment today was all fine thankfully, just scar tissue from previous infections. Now I need to have faith and believe the specialists. 

    I'm glad you managed to change your thinking and get through it! Thank you for taking the time to reply x

  • It's really not easy to do so be kind to yourself! Losing your mum is the hardest thing in the world so what your experiencing is normal and it won't last forever . You just have to go through the motions and you will come out the other side :) x

  • Hi. I have just come across this post after doing a google search about health anxiety following the death of mum due to cancer. I'm aware this was 4 years ago so not even sure if you'll get this notification!

    Firstly I am so sorry for your loss, and your situation is so similar to mine. My beautiful mum passed away on 30th July, after her third and final battle with cancer, at just 55 year old. Like your mum, mine was also very fit and active, life and soul of every party, and was misdiagnosed multiple times meaning her real diagnosis was missed, her treatment was delayed, and she passed away only 5 months after her diagnosis. It was heart-breaking and traumatising. 

    What you are feeling isn't irrational at all, I don't think anyway. Unless I am also irrational! But I am also riddled with anxiety and convinced I either have cancer or will get it soon and die. I recently discovered a mark on my face and have a GP appointment tomorrow because I'm worried it is skin cancer. Every ache I feel in my body I presume that it's bone cancer which is what my mum passed away from. Everytime I have a pain in my breast I think it's breast cancer which my mum had twice. It's consuming my thoughts and I don't know what to do. 

    I'd love to know what happened with all this, and if it got better for you over time? <3