Hi,

I lost my beautiful Mum to cancer in September 2021. She was only 61 and was always so fit and healthy. She didn't have any symptoms except for a pain in her rib which got misdiagnosed by 2 GPs and a physiotherapist as a trapped nerve. The news that it had spread, and they could only prolong her life came as devastating news to us all. She lost her life 9 months after the diagnosis. When she passed, my second baby was only 4 months old. He and his older brother got me through the toughest of times. 

I have now convinced myself that I have cancer and that it is only a matter of time until I get a diagnosis. The longer time goes on, the more convinced I am becoming. I have been referred to the breast clinic twice for breast lumps which were all fine and I have also seen someone at the Drs for 2 lumps in my back which are supposedly fatty lumps. At first I am reassured by getting the all clear but as time goes on, the more I start to panic that they have misdiagnosed me and as I have had the lumps for months now, any cancer will have spread too far for any treatment. I also have an appointment tomorrow under the 2 week wait for a lump on my tonsil, however the GP says it looks fleshy and benign. 

 I know this all sounds very irrational and I am so grateful for what I do have. I know there are families going through so much more and it makes me feel so selfish for even thinking this. I just can't shake the feeling that cancer is just around the corner. With my Mum not even being given a chance for recovery, it all terrifies me. I am so scared of leaving my 2 babies. 

Is there anyone else that feels the same? How can I get past this? I'm scared to open up to the GP as I feel they will think I am crazy and also don't want it to have any impact of any further appointments. I just know I can't keep this to myself anymore which is why I posted here. 

Thank you.