Hi everyone,
This is the first post I have made to a forum but I am really looking for some advice how to deal with anticipatory grief for my mum. She is now on palliative care with a few months to live. She had metastic colon cancer spread to her liver and lungs and simulatenously has breast cancer. She is only 66 and I'm 35 with 2 very young children. She only just retired 3 months before finding out she had stage IV cancer In March 2021 and was so looking forward to spending more time with her family and the grandchildren. She raised my brother and I as a single mum and we have the closest bond I just can't face this life without her. My younger brother is finding it all very difficult. Seeing him upset was the hardest thing I've had to witness and I can't stop thinking about it. He just had a baby and is heartbroken my mum won't meet any of his other children. I know its sad but we all talk 5 times a day or more. I just can't imagine not hearing her voice anymore and I'm so scared to be lonely without her. My husband is not really a talker and he has no idea what to say.. so he says nothing at all. Sometimes I start to cry and he doesn't hug me. He just stands there in silence. I sit over dinner in silence and worry about how lonely I'm about to get without my mum. I go between very strong feelings of grief to total denial to get my through each day. I have horrendous anxiety in the pit of my stomach and it's affecting my sleeping. I need to get out of this rut because I'm missing the best last days with her and I feel so guilty for that. But when your "trying to make memories" it's the elephant in the room and it makes all our experiences feel so sad now? Usually I would talk to my mum about all this but I don't want her to worry about leaving me behind when she's dying. I just need advice or small tips on how people get through this period because I really am not coping well?
thank you,
A
