Struggling with the loss of my mother

Hi All,

I have been hesitant to post in this forum as I have struggled to articulate my feelings related to my loss. My mother passed away May of Last year. Although a while has passed I feel as though I have not really processed the loss at all. 
She was diagnosed with a Spindle Cell Sarcoma in March of 2021 but the Cancer had Metastacised by the time it was diagnosed and therefore untreatable. Her mobility quickly deteriorated and as the only member of the family with care experience, I took on a great deal of her personal care. 
I was in my first year of university when she got diagnosed and dropped out to help out at home. Since she passed I have felt overwhelmed with the tasks of helping my family through their grief and supporting my father through his loss. 
I have found it hard to adjust to the return to university and 'normal life' as I feel I don't really relate to any of the people my age anymore and feel so much more responsibility at home in comparison to my friends. I have recently found myself dreaming of my mum and family a lot recently and wondered if this was normal. 
Is it just a usual stage of grief that I am experiencing a bit late? Does anyone else not really know how to adjust back to normal life after experiencing a major change? 
Im sorry for the long message.

Thank you, K

  • Hi K

    I was hesitant to post in this forum too until I did so yesterday. But as soon as I started reading other people's stories, grief seems to be so similar and yet so different for everyone.

    Like you, I lost my mother in December last year and people around me expected for my grief to be over by now. Some people get back to their 'normal' life in 6 months and others need years and that depends on many factors. You are very young and took on a lot of responsibility. I think feeling lost just now and experiencing something so big that most of your peers have no idea what it feels like is normal. I think this kind of experience matures you faster in a way and not being able to adjust to what you were doing before seems logical to me. And maybe the fact that you prioritised your family's and father's grief and supported them did not give YOU the time to grieve earlier.

    To answer your questions, I don't know if it's normal or not I dream a lot of my mother too, I mean a lot! And yes, I'm finding it extremely difficult to adjust back to 'normal' life but this experience has also made me rethink of what's important in life, what relationships worth my time and energy, and how I want to live my life from now on. You are very very very young and what happened to you is harsh to say the least. Your priority now is yourself!

    Sending you a hug!