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Losing my dad

Sjb1955
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Hi all, lost my dad a couple of weeks ago age 66 to lung cancer which had spread to brain, liver, lymph nodes. He was diagnosed 15th aug and was gone on 6th sept.

 

His wish was to be at home and me and my sisters cared for him 24/7 for the last week. He had to go into the hospice 8 hours before he passed due to the terminal agitation which the gp said would of been much worse due to the cancer in the brain, the agitation had gone on for days, he was literally pushing his whole bed across the room, trying to rip out his catheter and pulled his driver out several times. I just feel like we failed him and the pictures will haunt me forever. Just feel like he suffered so much

 

On top of his driver the nurses were having to give stat doses after about 2 hours, the nurses were amazing.
 

We had barely taken in that he had cancer and he was gone, all so fast and no symptoms in the lungs at all, we called an ambulance because he kept falling and it was the brain cancer. Now petrified about me and my sisters dying young too of this awful disease. Feel so low. Has anyone else witnessed horrific terminal agitation I'm so sad. 
 

I hope these pictures go from my head

  • Hello Sjb1955

    I'm so very sorry to hear about the recent loss of your Dad. Understandably this will have been a very difficult time for you all and it's natural that you are experiencing a wide range of thoughts and emotions at the moment. 

    I know that some of our members here will have lost loved ones and understand some of what you're going through at the moment. Hopefully, they will reply to share their experiences and support with you soon. 

    Grief can be overwhelming but you don't have to deal with it alone. I know that many people find it helpful to have some kind of bereavement support after losing a loved one. If this is something that the hospice offer then I'd really encourage you to take up that support. Having a safe space in which to talk about all that you, your Dad, and the wider family have been through can be invaluable. If the hospice is not able to provide that service then you can get in touch with a charity called Cruse. 

    I hope that you and your sisters are able to lean on each for support at this difficult time. Keep talking to each other. It's likely that you will have shared thoughts and emotions and be able to understand where the other is. 

    Thinking of you all. Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

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    I lost my dad in March and it still feels unreal. He'd had cancer since 2020 but he was doing fine. No one expected him to pass when he did - it was a shock. He was fine on a Saturday and then on Monday he was in hospital. 
     

    I miss him so much it hurts. It's so difficult sometimes because I see old people and think that I'll never get to see him old (he was only 54) and it feels so unfair - why do other people get to age and he doesn't? It's strange what grief does to you and how it makes you think....I recently saw a homeless man that I hadn't seen for two years. He's known in our town for being the homeless guy...he's been using drugs for years. I suddenly saw him and even that hit me so hard - the fact that he was still here, even though he's on drugs, but my dad, who took such care of himself, isn't. How does that work? Why is it so unfair? 

    i am so sorry you went through this. Would looking at pictures of him from happier times help? To remind you that this was just the end of his life, not the totality. 

    We are all going to die. All of us. 

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    Oh love , you didn't fail your Dad . You followed medical advice to ease his suffering lv . You did the absolute best for him . I to looked after Dad in his home and his last week was the hardest thing I've ever been through , so I understand your pain . Dad sadly passed on 2nd September and his funeral was 2 days ago . Heartbroken   . Be strong and take comfort in all you did do for him l v and know he's always with you xx

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    Sorry for loss

    my brother had the terminal agitation too, pulling out catheters too and also falling daily too . He thought we had him kidnapped, bless him - he was hallucinating. So scary, stay strong and remember happy times

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