Hi there ...

So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment  ... l think loosing a parent is the second hardest thing we go through.... I think the hardest is a child ... but takes nothing away from the pain of a parent ... 

You are still in the raw stage of grief ... there are grief help lines I think one is " cruse" but know the @ask the nurses ... or @moderators  will be able to give you more info on those numbers ..

Please know your not alone .. my niece had 5 kids aged in 20s and earl 30s when we lost her to cancer .. they also lost their dad to covid in the pandemic ... they have no grandparent left here either... life and cancer has no compassion... but be kind to your self, you are going through grief trauma... it takes time .. there's no easy way through .... but know your mum is in your heart now, tucked up safe where cancer can never touch her again ... she will live through you ... 

I lost my mum 33 years ago .. I did learn to live without her .. but never stop missing her .. so hold on .. sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie x

Hello Susara,

I have just read your post and remember you and your lovely Mum (if I am correct your Mum wrote a very courageous blog and she was a Specialist Nurse). Sorry if I am completely incorrect as my memory at the moment is shocking - my head is everywhere.

I am so so sorry for your pain, I lost my Mum in May and I am only now nearly 4 months later feeling really like it has started to hit me. The first few months were surreal, there was a certain numbness and complete disbelief. Now I am completely broken, crying all the time and feeling like I can't cope with life. I think its so different for everyone on this horrific path of losing someone we love more than anything, someone who was and is our world. 

Your in the very very difficult and heartbreaking situation of being so young, your right - 20 is too young to be without your Mum and I am so very sad for you. I wish I could write words I know could help you but to be honest I don't think there is anything we can say to take away your pain, the only thing we can do is offer each other support. We understand your pain and we understand what it feels like to lose our precious Mums. My Mum lived with me, we use to work/live together. Most of my life was in someway connected to my Mum, I sometimes think maybe that was not a good idea because now I am left without her and its has floored me but if I had the chance to do it all again I wouldn't change any of it because I have so so many beautiful, funny, wonderful memories. 

Right now I share your thinking of feeling I will never be happy again, I feel the light which was my Mum has gone from my life leaving me in permanent darkness. I truly understand your thinking and emotions with this.

Everything we are going through now is normal from what I have read and experienced from talking to others. We can't love someone with all our heart and lose them and then not be feeling complete devastation. The pain represents the love. We are now suffering pain beyond anything we have ever felt and this is because we loved our precious Mums so so much. I do believe we will find happiness again, inbetween the immense sadness and loss I hope there will be moments of happiness and light. I know my Mum wished for me to make the most of life and continue to do so for myself and for her and thats why I am continuing day by day, but it is overwhelming most days just to live without her love, care, friendship...everything. I find taking it hour by hour, not thinking too far ahead is the best way to cope for me personally. I talk out loud to her all the time and I talk about her to my partner, I find talking about them almost keeps them alive in a way. I wish I could say something to convince myself and you that there is a way forward without them that is ok but I can't. Just knowing that so many of us are walking the same path and understand is a huge support. Please reach out to us whever you need to, we are here for you.

Jane x

Hi Susara, 

I noticed Chriss had mentioned us in her post so I just wanted to stop by to offer you my sincerest condolences for your loss.

I can't even begin to comprehend what you must be going through at the moment but as you've seen from the replies you've received so far, our community are here for you and will do all they can to support you.

Coping with grief is very difficult but there are many places, when you feel ready to do so, that you can seek support and guidance. As Chriss mentioned Cruse Bereavement Care are there to help anyone who is grieving and have an online chat service where you can speak with expert grief counsellors. Sue Ryder also offer online bereavement services and have an online forum just like ours where you can connect with others who know what you're going through. I came across this discussion made in March last year by a member who lost their mum in their 20s so you are definitely not alone at this time.

We're thinking of you Susara and sending all our strength and support your way.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you so much Chriss. My condolences about your niece, that's heartbreaking. Also about your beloved mum. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to send such a sweet message, it means more than you know! Thank you for the hope you have given me. I hope you are doing well :)

Thank you so much Jane. 
It warms my heart that you remember my mums blogs, she would've loved that! It is true that this is what we get when we love someone so unconditionally. I will definitely take your advice, as I'm always looking far into the future, thinking about all the things I will do without my mum. It hurts thinking about when she was upset telling me about all the things she will miss. All we have now is the love we had for them, something that helps me is knowing that my mum knew how much I loved her! 
Thanks again for your message, I hope you are coping well. Do you have anyone who you can talk to? Or anyone who was close with your mum that you can talk to?

hugs X