Hello,

im so sorry to hear about your mum. It's not much help but all I can say is you are not alone. My mum passed away just over a month ago, and what seems to help me is talking about it. Also looking at photos of her, sometimes it's painful, but it's nice to be reminded of her. I was extremely close with my mum, and it sounds like you were too. It makes me grateful that I was so close with her, that's all we have now. 
sending you all my love

I'm so sorry that you lost your mum toooo, my heart goes out to you, as you said you were very close to your mum, like I was. 
 

At the moment I'm clearing her house out, I have looked at photos, but it just gets toooo much.

I think I'm still in shock and it's mentally and physically exhausting.

I talk to her every nite, and cry every nite. I just missed her sooooooo much.

Thank you so much for your reply it really means a lot.

sending big hugs to you 

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. My mum died on 29th May 6 months after being diagnosed, she was bedridden the whole time and the whole thing feels unbelievably surreal. It's been 3 months and I can talk about it without crying so easily, I saw her ashes for the first time and don't believe it's her though. I find looking at her stuff nice, her clothes are all still neatly tidied away in her wardrobe. I love rifting through and finding stuff I didn't know about, it feels like I'm learning about her . No one will ever come close to her. No loss can feel this immense, you will get through it and you will feel you can get through any loss after this. It still hurts, the injustice of what's happened to her will never go, I still experience anger due to the suffering and the fact mum was so young. It's also hard because no one other then siblings truly understands the loss of your mum. Do you spend time with family remembering her or going through her stuff xxx

Sending you love and hugs 

Awwww it is all very raw right now for you ofcourse. Sometimes I call out to my mum in bed like I did as a child and wait for something to happen, it never does, I wish something would though, like a picture would fall or some sort of noise. It just feels so final so weird and so unreal. I have been off work since before she died now but I've had EMDR for the trauma to reprocess things. 

Sending lots of love ️ 

I believe they are watching over us, and seeing what we are doing, I asked her to send my some white feathers, and the very next day when I put my washing out, there was 7 feathers in my garden, weird or what, could be a coincidence but it made me feel a bit better, I get what you mean, when you want a pralines from them, and it doesn't happen, 

Im so sorry that you are suffering and being of work, but you have to do what's helps you, I hope one day we will be happy again, but it just so hard to feel happy or any joy, and it dosnt feel real at all 

xxxxx