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Miss my dad so much

rhiannon_laura
Offline

Hi

 I lost my dad 25th June this year and he was my best friend. We had such a unique bond. We shared so much together and everything happened so quickly. He was only diagnosed with lung cancer that spread to his lower spine and other areas in May and then died in a hospice a month later. Before that I'd take him alone and help him in and out of the car to hospital appointments for scans to see what his bad back pain was and he collapsed on me many times and felt stupid and embarrassed that he couldn't walk anymore and that his 30 year old daughter was having to catch him and wheel him about. I'd have done anything for him. I told him lean on me, I'll catch you. 
I have a 18 month old son at home and if I didn't have him to carry on for I don't know what I'd do. I miss dad so much, he was a tower of strength to all, he was the most amazing man. He only got to see my son until he was 16 month old ans it's not enough, I wanted him to see him grow up! He adored my little boy, it made his day me bringing him to see him every day when he was off work poorly. 
I honestly am so heartbroken, I don't know what to do without him, how to get by. 
I've been so strong throughout this for my mum and brother and try to help them with their pain but when I'm alone or if something triggers me I'm a complete mess. Today when My Girl the film came on tv it set me off because my dad liked this film and we watched it together when I was younger. When songs he loved play on the radio I can't handle it. This pain is too much. :( 

  • Hi rhiannon_laura,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm so sorry to to hear of your loss - it sounds like you are going through a really tough time and I can only imagine how difficult it must be.

    By the sounds of it you had a wonderful relationship with your dad. Take all the time you need to grieve and to remember the happy memories. I can understand the triggers you mention - no doubt these will always be there, but things will eventually get more manageable.

    Everyone's journey of grief is different. Keep speaking to others for support - this could be friends or family around you, us on here, or other organisations such as Cruse. They also have a helpline as well as various resources in case you ever need that bit of help.

    We're always here for support on the forum if you need it. It can often be helpful to write things down and to reach out to others who understand. There will be others here who are going through or have been through something similar, so hopefully you'll receive further replies soon.

    Take care and wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Ben

    Thanks for getting back to me. Life is very hard right now. I don't know how I'm going to go on. 

  • Offline

    Hello  I just had the pleasure of reading your beautiful post about your wonderful relationship with your dad. Unfortunately, I know all too well how it feels to lose dad to lung cancer. I also know how incredibly hard it is to survive the first year. I am wondering how you are doing overall. Hoping that you have found strength through your son.

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